Good negotiators value relationships and try to get along well with the other party during and after the negotiation.

Your ability to negotiate effectively is essential to your success. Negotiating is how people with different values and interests find constructive ways to live and work together.

Successful negotiators are flexible and fluent, creative and cooperative, rather than competitive. They seek collaborative solutions. They look for innovative ways to help both parties get what they want.

Gerald Neirenberger says the purpose of negotiating is threefold:

• All parties have their needs satisfied. No one goes away from the negotiation feeling that he or she has suffered. The critical needs of both parties are met by the agreement.
  
  
• All parties are internally motivated to fulfill their commitment. After the negotiation has ended, both sides will be eager to fulfill their commitments in order to benefit from the fruits of the negotiation.
  
  
• All parties will enter into subsequent negotiations and transactions with the same party in the future. This attitude creates a tendency within both parties to enter into agreements that both can live with happily and comfortably for the long term.

I call this win/win negotiating--a mature process where two parties collaborate and cooperate to find a solution, often a third alternative to the positions of either, that satisfies the needs of both.

Seven Key Elements
There are seven key elements of negotiating that you need to consider.

Power
No one will negotiate with you seriously unless they feel that you have the power to help them get something they want, or the power to hurt them in some way.

Preparation
Perhaps 80 percent of the success of a negotiation is determined by the quality and quantity of the preparation that you do prior to the negotiation. You need to determine three things before you begin to negotiate:

• Subject matter --exactly what is to be discussed, the subject of the negotiation;
  
  
• Objectives --what are the issues to be discussed, and how do you differ from the other party in your wants and needs?
  
  
• Position --what are the starting positions of each party?

Think these things out and write them down on paper so that they are clear in your own mind before beginning to negotiate. Argue the negotiation thoroughly from the point of view of the other person before you begin to prepare your position. This will give you a better perspective and make you more effective when the negotiation takes place.

Information
The power is on the side of the person with the best information and the best notes. So, find out everything you can about the negotiation. Ask questions of everyone you know who may have a viewpoint or an insight concerning the subject matter. Find out exactly what the other person hopes to gain. Find out what the opinion is of the other person. See if you can uncover his or her needs and mood. The more you know about the subtleties of a negotiating situation, the more likely it will be that the results you come out with are the closest to what you desire.

Timing
When would the ideal time be to negotiate this subject? There is a distinct difference between a negotiation that takes place in the morning, when people are fresh and alert, and in the evening. Think about your frame of mind. If you feel positive and clear-headed, this is a good time for you to negotiate. If you feel angry, upset or distracted, put off a negotiation to a better time.

A person who is casual and relaxed is always more effective and influential than a person who is hurried or rushed. Never allow yourself to be stampeded into a conclusion when you are negotiating something with long-term ramifications. Be willing to delay and re-schedule if necessary.

Location
Place is important. If you cannot negotiate on your own terrain, in your own office or home, suggest a neutral environment. Choose the location carefully. When you negotiate on the premises of the other person, he or she has a distinct psychological advantage.

Noise
Noise, both internal and external, affects communication. External noise comes from traffic, music, people talking, construction, and a variety of other sounds. It might also include smoke, light, and distractions. Internal noise, what is going on in the mind of your counterpart, can refer to negative emotions, preoccupation, physical pain, fatigue, stress, or distress. A key to using noise to your advantage is to be aware of it in yourself and then to be very sensitive to the elements of noise in the person and in the environment. If you cannot have the complete attention of the other person on an important subject, it is usually better to re-schedule or change the venue.

Desire
The person who most wants the item being negotiated is in the weaker position. The more emotion that a person invests in the negotiation, the less able that person is to negotiate in his or her best interests or behalf. A person who acts as his own lawyer has a fool for a client. To avoid being sabotaged by wanting the subject of the negotiation too badly, develop options.

Always be prepared to walk away from any negotiation. List everything that you could or would do if this negotiation were to fail completely. Do this in advance and you will be surprised how much more calm and clear-headed you are when you sit down to finalise a deal.

Also, remember that no negotiation is ever final. You are always entitled to change your mind or to re-think a negotiation. If you feel that you have entered into a bad deal in retrospect, don't be shy about going back to the original party and re-opening the negotiations.

Always start a re-negotiation with tuning in to everyone's favorite radio station, WIIFM: 'What's In It For Me.' If you want anyone to do something for you, put yourself in his or her position first, and ask how you can do something for him or her.