I am a collector of quotations. I have been ever since I learned how to write, I mean professionally, not in primary school.

I am particularly fond of what I like to call "pithy prose". These short quotations can cover an unlimited variety of subjects: love, religion, politics, human nature, etc. What unites them is their ability to say more in one or two sentences than could be expressed in a thousand-word treatise. It's like being able to pour a liter of liquid into a half-liter bottle.

They are superb examples of Mark Twain's famous dictum, "The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug."

In principle, all writers and public speakers are capable of producing pithy prose, but clearly some are better at it than others.

Any collection of pithy prose must necessarily be biased in terms of what it includes and excludes. I make no apologies for my selections, only for the hundreds of other meritorious quotations I had to leave out.

No one will agree with all these quotations; this was not their intention. You may even find some of them repugnant or outrageous. This was their intention.

We seldom learn anything of value from what we already agree with. Only those ideas that grate on our nerves can open our minds. As with oysters, irritation can produce pearls. So if anything you are about to read annoys or shocks you, try to think clearly and dispassionately about what it is saying. You will either be confirmed in your current belief or shaken into re-examining it.

Either way, you win!

This article is part of an occasional series. In each article, I will be offering more amusing, educating, and exasperating quotations to your judgment. But just to be certain that we agree on what we are talking about, here it is in a nutshell.

Pithy Prose: A quotation where at first you may not be quite certain what it means. But when you become certain, you become equally certain that it couldn't have been said better any other way. In short, big ideas in small packages.

If you have a better definition of pithy prose, please contact me. I would love to hear it.

Who Is Ambrose Bierce?

Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914), whose full name was Ambrose Gwinnet Bierce, was an American journalist and author. He is best remembered for "The Devil's Dictionary". Bierce started developing his insightful and idiosyncratic definitions in a weekly newspaper column in 1881; they were published in book form in 1906. "The Devil's Dictionary" was originally titled "The Cynic's Word Book" (see definition of cynic below). Bierce was also a prolific author of short stories, sometimes humorous, sometimes macabre.

1. Abstainer: A weak man who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure

2. Absurdity: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.

3. Acquaintance: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.

4. Admiration: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.

5. Amnesty: The state's magnanimity to those offenders whom it would be too expensive to punish.

6. Egotist: A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.

7. Beauty: The power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.

8. Bigot: One who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain.

9. Bore: A person who talks when you wish him to listen.

10. Conservative: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from a Liberal, who wishes to replace them with others.

11. Consult: To seek approval for a course of action already decided upon.

12. Cynic: A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.

13. Deliberation: The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on.

14. Destiny: A tyrant's authority for crime and a fool's excuse for failure.

15. Edible: Good to eat and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm.

16. Education: That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.

17. Egotist: A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.

18. Erudition: Dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull.

19. Eulogy: Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.

20. Faith: Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.

21. Happiness: An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.

22. Historian: A broad-gauge gossip.

23. History: An account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.

24. Impartial: Unable to perceive any promise of personal advantage from espousing either side of a controversy.

25. Impiety: Your irreverence toward my deity.

26. Inventor: A person who makes an ingenious arrangement of wheels, levers and springs, and believes it civilization.

27. Jealous: Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping.

28. Laziness: Unwarranted repose of manner in a person of low degree.

29. Learning: The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.

30. Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.

31. Mad: Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.

32. Marriage: The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.

33. Men become civilized, not in proportion to their willingness to believe, but in proportion to their readiness to doubt.

34. Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.

35. Patience: A minor form of despair disguised as a virtue.

36. Politeness: The most acceptable hypocrisy.

37. Positive: Mistaken at the top of one's voice.

38. Pray: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

39. Prejudice: A vagrant opinion without visible means of support.

40. Revolution: In politics, an abrupt change in the form of misgovernment.

41. Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

42. Success is the one unpardonable sin against our fellows.

43. Sweater: A garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.

44. The best thing to do with the best things in life is to give them up.

45. There are four kinds of homicide; felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy.

46. To apologize is to lay the foundation for a future offense.

47. Who never doubted, never half believed. Where doubt is, there truth is - it is her shadow.

Philip Yaffe is a former reporter/feature writer with The Wall Street Journal and a marketing communication consultant. He currently teaches a course in good writing and good speaking in Brussels, Belgium. His recently published book In the ?I? of the Storm: the Simple Secrets of Writing & Speaking (Almost) like a Professional is available from Story Publishers in Ghent, Belgium (storypublishers.be) and Amazon (amazon.com).

For further information, contact:

Philip Yaffe

Brussels, Belgium

Tel: +32 (0)2 660 0405

phil.yaffe@yahoo.com, phil.yaffe@gmail.com