There be Spyware Here, Captain!

By: Doug Woodall

The ships bell had just sounded the dogwatch as Captain Skag began to check his email. He had just began to read his favorite E-zine, "Pirates gone wild" when his first mate burst into the cabin. "Captain, a dark ship approaches!" He cried.

The captain, after running up on deck, examined the ship with his spyglass. "Shiver me hard drives" he bellowed as he saw the lay of her jib.

"Shes a wardriver! " (Note of historical Interest, a Wardriver is a term used to describe a way of searching for unsecure wireless networks.)

"They be after plundering information on the ships server! Quick me mateys, prepare to repel boarders." The crew scrambled to turn their laptops off while the Captain rushed to turn the wireless router off.

Up on deck, the crew watched as the dark ship faded into the night.

The Captain had no sooner settled back at his computer when again the cabin door burst open, this time it was the cook. "Blimey Captain, all my recipes files are gone!" This was bad news because the cooks famous secret recipe for chile con carne was highly sought after since winning 1st place at the Pirates ball last year. Thank the Kraken we have our backups" the Captain growled. The cook, cursing, left.

Well, back to my email the captain thought. He pushed the send/receive button on his email client. "Blow me down" he bellowed, (Pirate Captains bellow a lot) "Whats all this SPAM mail doing in my inbox?"

This was getting as back as a case of scurvy.

As he sat, his rage boiling, he became aware of a lot of yelling coming from the crews quarters. "Now what" he cursed as he made his way forward. Upon entering the crew area he was assailed by a thunderous din of curses. (Pirates curse a lot)

The Spainiard was yelling he couldn't get his new game, "Pirates Revenge " to load. The Italian couldn't get into his stock portfolio. (Yes pirates have retirement plans too). The others were drowned out by the first mate yelling about his Blog being Hacked.

As he surveyed the carnage, the captain noticed one of the crewman sitting calmly, using his laptop with apparently no problems. Bellowing loudly for quiet, he asked the crewman who he now remembered came from the land of Unix, why he was not upset.

He looked up, and said "Why Captain, I've got a AntiVirus program along with good AntiSpyware and a reliable Firewall. I'm protected from brute force attacks, Phishing emails and drive by downloads." He went on to say that it looked like the ships server was accessed through the wireless router, which was not secured with WEP (wired/wireless equivalent privacy).

"Arrrgg", he bellowed, the IT dogs back at the Island hideaway had told him all was peachy with the network when they sailed to pilage and plunder.

The crewman whose name was Billy said he could get things ship shape by giving the other crewman the CD's of his AntiSpyware, AntiVirus and his 3rd party Firewall.... for a price! "Aye," the Captain replied wit a feeling of dread, "Whats your price?"

Soon all onboard were back online and secure. Billy had his pockets stuffed with pieces of eight and of course, was wearing the Captains hat, looking mighty pleased with his bargaining skills.

The Captain headed back to his cabin, worried that mutiny may be afoot. He had heard Billy telling the crew about those cursed Macs!

The lesson learned here was obvious; You need to secure your network. AntiVirus and AntiSpyware is a must, So is a reliable Firewall. Anything less, you might as well be walking the plank, Matey!


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