How To Flirt Tips For Women

By: Amy Waterman

Flirting is a whole-body experience. It engages the eyes, tickles the mind, and awakens the senses.

While you may think that flirting is something we learn, there is plenty of evidence to suggest that we are born knowing how to flirt. Flirting behaviors are exhibited by dozens of cultures and animals from birds to fruit flies.

Research into human mating behaviors at bars and clubs have revealed that successful flirtations all go through a similar sequence of events. Nonverbal cues such as arching brows, swaying hips, and tossing hair all cue a man that you're interested. Once one of you breaks the ice by speaking, the other person has the option of turning towards you, acknowledging your presence, or turning away.

If it's the former, and all goes well, your conversation will lead to deeper interest as both of you lean forward and your gazes wander from the face to other parts of the body. The sense of touch becomes involved as you touch his hand in empathy, or he puts an arm gently on your back to guide you through the crowd.

As the night wears on, your bodies will eventually become “synchronized." In other words, your body position and movements will mimic the other person's. When he glances down, you will glance down. When you pick up your glass to take a sip, he will pick up his. At this point, you can congratulation yourself on a successful flirtation: you're both clearly interested, and it's time for exchanging phone numbers.

What does this research mean to us? It's all very well to know how flirtation works, but how can we nudge it along?

Today I'm going to give you three flirting techniques backed up by science that are guaranteed to get you to that initial conversation with a man.

1. The Best Flirtation Technique of All Time

First of all, what's the single most successful technique that women can use to invite a man to approach?

  • Ask for his help with something?
  • Toss your hair while gazing straight at him?
  • Dance seductively by yourself?
  • Give him a big smile?

Got your answer?

The winner, hands-down, is (d) Smile.

It's amazing that something so simple could have such an amazing effect, but men around the world will tell you the same thing. When men are getting up the courage to approach a woman, most will pick the average, friendly-looking girl over the beautiful, bored ice princess.

Approachability matters. A smile shows a man that you're friendly, that you're willing to acknowledge him, and that he won't have to fear getting rejected when he approaches you.

Plus, a smile puts us in our best light. Studies have shown that women with open, friendly body language are perceived as more attractive than women with closed, negative body language. Quite simply, a smile is the cheapest beauty treatment you can apply.

2. Do I See You?

Next, there's nothing more crucial to a developing flirtation than eye contact. This is where shyness can be a great hindrance. If you are too shy, embarrassed, or overwhelmed by butterflies to meet his gaze, he may think that you are rejecting him.

On the other end of the scale, a steady gaze is equally disconcerting. In the animal kingdom, a stare is a threatening nonverbal behavior, and human beings find it creepy. Someone who steals a glance at you is infinitely preferable to someone who checks you out brazenly without hiding his gaze.

Eye contact should be brief, a mere recognition that both of you see one another, and then ended by glancing down. After all, lowering your lashes can be as seductive as meeting his gaze in the first place, especially if it's accompanied by a shy smile. Up your seduction power by glancing at him again within thirty seconds to a minute after your first glance.

3. He Can't Flirt with You if He Can't Get to You!

Last of all, make sure that you are physically accessible to being approached! We often go out in groups, and there's nothing more intimidating to a man than a woman surrounded by a half-dozen of her best friends.

Very few men will feel comfortable braving the stares of your friends while he tries to chat you up, so if you are out with a group, give any secret admirers a chance to approach you when you're on your own. Excuse yourself to go to the bathroom, or go buy a round of drinks. Keep your body language open and scan the room with your eyes. Some women even dance by themselves to allow a man the opportunity to approach.

Similarly, don't be in such a hurry to get to your destination that you are gone before Mr. Perfect can raise his hand to wave you down. Take your time, enjoy the journey, and keep your eyes open and your head up. A woman who's strolling pleasantly and looking around her is much more approachable than a woman who's striding down the street, lost in thought.

If you enjoyed these flirting tips, there's so much more to learn! Discover my FREE “How to Be Irresistible to Men" newsletter series and 6-Part Mini-Course, chockfull of great tips on how to do everything from getting more male attention to online dating. It's all backed by the latest research into how men and women meet and mate.

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