I left home at 17 and got my own apartment. I was very rebellious and independent. The first few months away from home, I was excited, but deep down I felt the insecurity of not having my mom, my safety net, to take care of me if and when I may be in need. As I grew up, I realized how she must have felt when I left home. (It was just the two of us for a long time because my dad left when I was 10 and my brother was off at college.) My mom had so much stress on her; especially around the time I was between 14 and 17 years old. We had no money, her mom died, she had a rough job, and all this was happening when she was going through her own reassessment of life; as was I.
As an adult, I understand her anger and resentment regarding my leaving home. I left her...alone. I realize now that when I was feeling insecure being newly on my own, my mother must have been feeling the same way. She wasn't just feeling the effects as MY mom. She was feeling the effects of being a woman on HER own for her first time, too. She was feeling the effects of being a divorced woman, overdue bills, the loss of her mom, an independent son far away at college, and the daughter whom she pushed away due to misdirected anger while her daughter did the same to her.
A few years later, Mom and I began working out our kinks. We both realize now, that we both had our own demons as individual people. It was 2 hormonally changing females who both got the short end of The Stick of Life, together, against the world. What's the lesson we both learned in time? Those two words I just said...Together. Together we are mother and daughter, sometimes against the world still, but not against one another.
I know now that my mom was more than MY MOM, she was a woman, a wife, an ex-wife, a working woman, a daughter, a sister, and more. At age 32, I still believe the world revolves around me, but now I know that it's not my mother's life-purpose to keep that world moving. I think now I have earned her respect as her daughter, and as a person. I know she sure earned mine. If she wasn't my mom, I would be so lucky just to know her.