|By: Noel Jameson|
1. "If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just might be a redneck."
2. "Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother -- you're not sure what you've got but you're pretty sure you're not going to like it."
3. "Now, it's true I married my wife for her looks...but not the ones she's been givin' me lately."
4. "Between New York and LA, there's 200 million people that aren't hip, and they don't want to be hip."
5. "For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed with my in-laws, which on life's list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors."
6. "My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is if they turn out good, then that means I was a good daddy and put a lot of effort into it. If they turn out bad, it means they took after her side of the family."
7. "The designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, drop them off at the wrong house."
8. "This book is just a collection of my drawings. I never really showed them to anybody but my wife, and she always laughed at them."
9. "You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you're not 'professional' any more."
And of course, we can't do Jeff Foxworthy quotes without some "you might be a redneck jokes" now can we?
10. "You may be a redneck if -- you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education."
11. "You might be a redneck if -- your home has more miles on it than your car."
12. "You might be a redneck if -- your family tree doesn't fork."
13. "You might be a redneck if -- Your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup."
14. "You might be a redneck if -- you think that Dom Perignon is a mafia leader."
15. "You might be a redneck if -- you bought a VCR so you could tape wrestling while you are at work."
16. "You might be a redneck if -- your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds."
17. "You might be a redneck if -- you think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are the three of the primary colors."
18. "You might be a redneck if -- you've been on TV more than 5 times describing the sound of a tornado."
19. "You might be a redneck if -- the most serious loss from the earthquake was your Conway Twitty record collection (you insurance man is one too if he pays you for it.)"
20. "You might be a redneck if -- your child's first words are "Attention K-Mart shoppers!"
There's no doubt about it, Jeff Foxworthy is a riot. Anyone who's lucky enough to have seen him live knows that it's not just the words he says, but the charisma that defines him. These Jeff Foxworthy quotes are just a sampling of the humor that has made this man so famous and adored.