1.Go out with another woman. If you’re going out to a club or a bar, take a female friend or your sister with you. Women are often more amenable to talking to men who are with other women. It gives them the feeling that you actually like women, and that’s attractive. If your female friend is outgoing, see if she’ll make small talk with somebody you’d like to meet. She can say something along the lines of, “I love your necklace!” and that should do it. After a little back-and-forth, your friend can say, “Oh, how rude of me. This is my friend Andy,” and you’re in business.
2.Look women in the eye. It seems elementary, but you’d be surprised at how many guys either undress a woman with their eyes or avoid eye contact altogether. Women love it when you look them in the eye.
3.Don’t try to “buy” her. If you buy her a drink, she is obligated to say thank you and that’s it. If she accepts the drink, the polite thing for her to do would be to spend a little time talking to you, but that’s all. On the other hand, if a woman takes the drink and walks away, let her go. You wouldn’t want spend time with her, anyway. Trust me.
4.Find out her interests. Get her talking about what she’s crazy about, whether it’s David Bowie or the New York Mets. If you don’t get it, you can say something like, “You know, I’m not too familiar with Bowie. What CD would you recommend?” Or, “I’m more into football than baseball. What is it about baseball that you like?” Ask a woman her opinion, and you’ll have her eating out of your hand (we have more in common with guys than you think).
5.Listen more, talk less. Hey, I’m not suggesting that you let her do all the talking, but some guys meet a woman and then never shut up. Don’t try to impress her! Don’t brag about your GPA at Harvard, the Jag in your driveway, or the fact that you’re CEO of a tuna fish conglomerate. You’ll get precisely the kind of woman you don’t want, the one who’s only into you for your achievements and possessions, rather than for who you really are. Instead, ask questions and listen for the answers. Give your opinions. Get to know the woman. Let her get to know you.
6.Be optimistic. In other words, this is no time to discuss how oil prices are going through the roof, what a witch your ex-girlfriend was, or that your parents never gave you enough attention. If you run out of things to talk about, ask her if she’s seen the latest hit at the box office.
7.Be chaste. Do not try to go to bed with a woman right away. Sure, there’s a chance that if you go for it, she will, but if you’re hoping for a lasting relationship, you set up all sorts of weirdness if you “do it” too soon. Crazy as it sounds, if she sleeps with you, she may not respect you in the morning (you didn’t know that, did you?). She’ll figure that you get into bed with every woman you meet, which pretty much rules you out as boyfriend material. (Or she may be the type who thinks you owe her because she slept with you, which makes her really bad girlfriend material.) Save yourself undue angst and get to know a person before getting into bed with her.
8.Make a great exit. If you want to see her again, ask for her number (preface this with something casual, “Maybe we can get together some time.”). Then touch her shoulder (a little restraint is sexier here; don’t try to kiss her) and tell her you’ll be in touch. Then leave. If your friends aren’t ready to go yet, tell her you have to hang out with them. Walk away. The key here is to keep her wanting more.
9.Call her. If you said you were going to call, you can avoid looking desperate by waiting two days, but no longer. A plea on behalf of the female sex: If you’re not interested in a woman, do not—I repeat—do not say you’ll call. Say, “Nice meeting you,” and be on your way. Besides, collecting numbers to feed your ego is kind of sad.
10.Treat women as you’d have them treat you. The media have brainwashed us to believe that men and women come from different planets, but we’re all human. Some of the biggest losers in love are women who complain that all men are the same, they all want one thing, and so on. But it’s equally sad when a guy assumes all women are like his mother or his psychopathic ex-girlfriend. You’ll enjoy astonishing success with women if you understand two simple facts: We’re people. We're more like you than you think.
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Terry Hernon MacDonald writes frequently about dating and relationships. She is the Internet radio host of "Romance Talk with Terry" at http://healthylife.net and the author of "How to Attract and Marry the Man of Your Dreams." Visit her website at http://www.marrysmart.com firstname.lastname@example.org