First and foremost, protect your child's well-being by remaining as civil as possible and not pitting your kids against your spouse. From the very first inkling of a separation, factor your children's welfare into every decision. Always be as amicable as possible, consider the consequences of your actions, and take your lawyer's advice before moving on an issue.
Particularly if you expect trouble, you should do your best to
- Stay in the house?difficult to be sure if your spouse remains in residence, however, moving out could cause you to forfeit custodial rights if for no other reason than maintaining continuity.
- Consider a time-sharing arrangement?half the week at home for you, half for your spouse; this way, no one forfeits rights to residence.
- Restrict children from leaving the state?discuss the need for a Temporary Restraining Order (TRO) with your lawyer; a TRO will prevent your spouse from moving the children to an out-of-state location which will complicate divorce and custody proceedings.
- Do not allow your children to move from your home?make it clear that your spouse may leave and arrangements can be made, but the children should stay in the home.
- Retain legal representation?before any custody and support decisions are agreed to; do not sign anything without consulting an attorney.
During Divorce And Beyond
Protect your kids by minimizing trauma and putting their needs first; this helps you, too, because it shows you to be a responsible parent with your children's best interests in mind.
- Do not display bitterness and anger toward your spouse
- Do not criticize spouse before children; display respectful disagreement only when appropriate
- Maintain a healthy, positive personal attitude as much as possible
- Share visitation?both parents are important to the children
- Reminisce about the good times and encourage your children to do so
- Never let your kids feel they are responsible
- Don't put kids in the middle and don't force sides
- Maintain as much continuity in the kids' lives as possible
- Communicate openly with your spouse and agree to continuity of care and behavior management
Remember that your children are not your investigators, and should not be relied upon as informational resources. As questions arise, be open, honest, simple, and direct. By being a loving, fair, and honest parent, you will not alienate your children, and you will not jeopardize your custodial rights to your children. For the rest, rely on your trusted legal counsel to lead you.
About Children And Divorce
Staying together for the children when a marriage goes wrong is all very noble but is it the right thing to do? Divorce can quite often be the better option even for them as the tension within the home can do more damage than separation. Even if there isn't all the shouting, arguing and slamming of doors children can sense when things are not quite right and may even think it could be their fault.
During divorce proceedings try to make sure the children know what is going on. Explain it in terms they can understand. They need to know how they will be affected and reassured that you will do your best to keep their lives as unchanged as possible. Try to avoid a situation where they will have to leave their school and friends at the same time as seeing their parents separate.
It's also important that both parents let them know they are not to blame and reinforce this message without actually blaming anyone. They do not need to know who did what, just that it isn't their fault.
Try not to involve the children in the real reasons why the divorce is happening. This may cause them to apportion blame to one parent or the other and therefore take sides. They should not be put in this position and should be allowed to love and respect each parent just as they have always done.
Keeping the school informed of the changes in the children's live can help. It will help the teacher to understand any changes in mood from the child and, generally, schools will have the welfare of the child at heart and will inform parents if they think there are any problems. Around 1 in 3 children will go through separation so there isn't the stigma that used to be attached to divorce as there used to be.
There will always be the situation where one parent is not prepared to play along with the best practices. The one that does put down the other parent in front of the children, doesn't turn up when they're expected or won't let the children visit with the other parent. It's best not to 'play them at their own game'. A derogatory comment towards the other parent is not the best way to go.
Rarely is shared custody awarded to parents these days so there will be just the one principle carer. Children need to know, however, that both parents still want to be a part of their lives. For the person who does not have principle care it is important that your children know your home is theirs too. Make a space fro their belongings to stay for when they visit.
When a parent enters a new relationship it can be quite disconcerting for the children. They may feel guilty about liking this new person and feel like they are being disloyal to the other parent. Once a new relationship is established try introducing the new partner as a friend to begin with. The relationship in the eyes of the children can be changed once the children have had a chance to make up their own mind about the new person in their lives.
Another issue that can sometimes arise for children of divorced parents is that there may only be one parent at important events such as school plays or getting ready for the graduation ball. It is very reassuring for them to have both parents at important times of their life. They want you both to be proud of them. The main carer should, therefore, try to make sure the other parent is aware of these events and knows how to get tickets if they need them. After all, your marriage may not have lasted 'til death you do part, but you are still partners in the care and upbringing of your children.
Both Ic & Clare Denton are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.
Ic has sinced written about articles on various topics from Religion, Divorce and Infidelity and Online Dating. LaneAndAssociates and West Palm Beach divorce attorneys provide more details about divorce procedures. Learn how a. Ic's top article generates over 40500 views. Bookmark Ic to your Favourites.
Clare Denton has sinced written about articles on various topics from Divorce and Infidelity, detox diet and Divorce and Infidelity. About the Author: Clare Denton helps couples deal with divorce. Here she talks about the impact of divorce and children . For online sup. Clare Denton's top article generates over 14800 views. Bookmark Clare Denton to your Favourites.
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