Staying together for the children when a marriage goes wrong is all very noble but is it the right thing to do? Divorce can quite often be the better option even for them as the tension within the home can do more damage than separation. Even if there isn't all the shouting, arguing and slamming of doors children can sense when things are not quite right and may even think it could be their fault.

During divorce proceedings try to make sure the children know what is going on. Explain it in terms they can understand. They need to know how they will be affected and reassured that you will do your best to keep their lives as unchanged as possible. Try to avoid a situation where they will have to leave their school and friends at the same time as seeing their parents separate.

It's also important that both parents let them know they are not to blame and reinforce this message without actually blaming anyone. They do not need to know who did what, just that it isn't their fault.

Try not to involve the children in the real reasons why the divorce is happening. This may cause them to apportion blame to one parent or the other and therefore take sides. They should not be put in this position and should be allowed to love and respect each parent just as they have always done.

Keeping the school informed of the changes in the children's live can help. It will help the teacher to understand any changes in mood from the child and, generally, schools will have the welfare of the child at heart and will inform parents if they think there are any problems. Around 1 in 3 children will go through separation so there isn't the stigma that used to be attached to divorce as there used to be.

There will always be the situation where one parent is not prepared to play along with the best practices. The one that does put down the other parent in front of the children, doesn't turn up when they're expected or won't let the children visit with the other parent. It's best not to 'play them at their own game'. A derogatory comment towards the other parent is not the best way to go.

Rarely is shared custody awarded to parents these days so there will be just the one principle carer. Children need to know, however, that both parents still want to be a part of their lives. For the person who does not have principle care it is important that your children know your home is theirs too. Make a space fro their belongings to stay for when they visit.

When a parent enters a new relationship it can be quite disconcerting for the children. They may feel guilty about liking this new person and feel like they are being disloyal to the other parent. Once a new relationship is established try introducing the new partner as a friend to begin with. The relationship in the eyes of the children can be changed once the children have had a chance to make up their own mind about the new person in their lives.

Another issue that can sometimes arise for children of divorced parents is that there may only be one parent at important events such as school plays or getting ready for the graduation ball. It is very reassuring for them to have both parents at important times of their life. They want you both to be proud of them. The main carer should, therefore, try to make sure the other parent is aware of these events and knows how to get tickets if they need them. After all, your marriage may not have lasted 'til death you do part, but you are still partners in the care and upbringing of your children.