Our primary job as an effective parent is to make sure our kids are able to function successfully on their own when they leave the house. Every decision we make should be made with that goal in mind. This knowledge and single-minded focus should help us to navigate the waters of parenting much easier, because we have a definite destination in mind.



What are these effective parenting skills? Well, if you have a child who is acting out and talking back, there is a good chance he has hit a problem he cannot solve. Then keeping your goal in mind, teach them how to solve the problem. With this teaching also comes accountability. Let them know what will they can expect from their actions. Of course, you cannot hit every scenario, but give them a general idea, both for good choices and bad ones.

1. Problem solving journey. The best way to approach this important life skill is to start at the earliest age possible. If they make the mess, they clean it up. Teach them one block at a time. Then face the next problem with that same mindset, one step at a time. This in itself is teaching them problem solving at the core level, from stepping back to form a plan of action through to completion. Let them try, and fail if necessary. Do not rescue!

2. Coach them forward. All good coaches know that they can get the best out of their players if they stick to business and not to emotion. This too is our goal as effective parents. Being patient as we encourage them through this learning process will pay off in spades for them as adults.

3. Do as I do, not as I say. What? Yep that is how it really works. Your actions and words of course need to match. But if they don't, they are going to copy what you do. Calmly handling life's curveballs as their little eyes observe is your best teaching technique. Also let them start fending for themselves as soon as possible. Pushing the elevator button may seem like kids play, and looking at the directory to find the floor you need first, empowers them with life skills.

4. Provide strategic help and solutions. Only give them things they can handle. Offer supportive assistance along the way, don't criticize them, and most importantly of all, don't do it for them. As tempting as this may be, you need to let them succeed or fail on their own. We all know it's easier to load the dishwasher or make the kids bed than to try to get them to do it, but what does that teach them?

5. Encourage their own problem solving techniques. When they start into adolescence, its time to let them try out what they have learned, on their own. Your job is to let go of more and more control, and praise and encourage their willingness to step up.

6. Recognize setbacks and failures as opportunities. Everyone experiences successes and failures. Kids can learn from both, probably more from the failures than from the successes. Also, keep the failures in perspective. Don't freak out when they make a mistake - use it as a teaching opportunity.

Don't fool yourself! Parenting is challenging (especially teens). And rewarding! With a little help from these friendly tips and skills, you are staying ahead of the effective parenting curve.