Especially during tough times, young people need to know they can talk freely with someone they trust to really listen - someone who they feel is "on their team." Trust and security are created through acceptance, traditions, sharing, and a sense of belonging. At SuperCamp, our campers open up so freely and talk so deeply in our programs because we create this environment. Everything we do is on purpose.



We've learned that there's also an element of timing. Young people don't open up and share their feelings until they're ready. Nobody walks in on the first day of our programs and starts talking about emotions. When something traumatic and life changing has occurred, a teen may not be ready to talk just because somebody is ready to listen. They share when they decide the time is right. It's our job to do what we can to help them get ready for that time. For a while maybe the only thing we can offer is, "I'm here if you want to talk about it."

When the time is right, it helps to begin a conversation about a serious event with a few open-ended questions. Here's one that helps a lot: "What questions do you have about what happened?" Some parents have said that once their teens had a chance to ask questions, get a little bit of perspective, and come to a better understanding of the event, they were okay.

Here's a phrase that comes in handy: "Tell me more." This statement is powerful because it shows interest and asks for more information in an open-ended way. A simple "tell me more" can help get the conversation flowing. Let's say a teen is having trouble adjusting to his parents' divorce now that his mom lives five hundred miles away. His dad asks what that experience is like for him, and he responds with, "Stinks."

Okay. Tell me more."

After a moment, when he's convinced Dad really does want to hear more, he might begin to fill in more details.

Talking it out is a terrific way to begin separating from the event and sorting through feelings. But it's not the only way to get there. Campers spend time writing their thoughts and feelings in journals during our program. Something about expressing themselves with the written word helps process things on a much deeper level. In the privacy of their journals they're free to let it rip. They can write anything, say it any way they want, and it's all completely private. It's a great way to let off emotional steam.

Particularly for visual learners, drawing a picture of feelings can also help. Drawing is liberating. It taps into creativity. It helps them get a new perspective. They're free to express themselves any way they want: with colors, shapes, objects, animals, people - anything goes.

They also find it helpful to write a short story about the event. SuperCamp educator Michael Grinder says it sometimes helps people to talk about themselves in third person to avoid identifying themselves with the situation: "When Melodie was fourteen years old, she moved from the school she loved to a new school where she didn't know anybody... "

Some have found that it helps a lot to write a letter to the person involved in the incident - whether they send it or not. Just being able to address the person directly gets the feelings moving. That's a large part of why the parent talk helps. Even if - especially if - the person has passed on, the letter is a chance to express everything that remains to be said: "Dear Dad, there are a lot of things I wish I had told you before you went away... ." Since the letter doesn't have to be sent, they don't have to hold anything back.