Is it possible to save a relationship that has been soiled by a cheating lover? Can the one who was cheated on get over the betrayal, and will the one who cheated do so again?



1) Why Do People Cheat?

Most people will never be able to understand why another person would cheat on the one they love. There are a number of different reasons that both men and women cheat, but one thing is for sure: they believe that by cheating and going outside of the relationship, they can make things better inside the relationship.

Some people feel that they're not getting what they need from their partner. They feel as though they're not special to their partner anymore and go outside of the relationship in order to feel special again.

Others simply enjoy flirting and take things one step too far. Some do not know how to honor the boundaries of a relationship, and some men believe that they aren't being manly if they turn down a sexual offer from a beautiful woman.

Does this make cheating okay? Of course not! If you have an open relationship, where each of you is allowed to be with other people, that's one thing.

If you're in an exclusive relationship and you cheat behind your loved one's back, it is not okay. You are breaking their trust and heart in order to get your own gratification.

2) Time to Heal

If you have been cheated on, you need some time to heal. My friend Joanne was cheated on by her partner of 10 years.

He explained the situation away, telling her that he still loved her but that he wasn't getting what he needed from her. He was getting older, he said, and sleeping with someone so much younger than him made him feel better.

To this day, I am still shocked that she didn't scream when he said that. Instead, she came to us and we helped her to get her own apartment. Joanne had never lived on her own and was very scared at the prospect.

After a few months, she learned how to live on her own. She discovered that she missed her partner, and that while she didn't condone what he had done, she understood his point of view. The two worked through their differences and have been happy together since.

If your partner has cheated on you, give yourself time to heal. It may take months for you to fully heal from the wound that was inflicted on your heart.

If living with the person is too difficult, move away for a bit. You can stay with friends or family, or you can get your own place.

3) Forgive, Don't Forget

In order for your relationship to be saved, it is vital that you forgive both your partner and the person they slept with.

If you walk around harboring those feelings, your anger and jealousy will build until the relationship rots from the inside.

Forgiving your lover and the person they cheated with is the next step in saving your relationship. This does not mean that you should forget what happened.

While you shouldn't bring it up all the time, it's important to remember what occurred (which is generally not too difficult).

How can you forgive your lover's other partner? First of all, you need to recognize that the person is not perfect.

They have flaws, both in their personality and in their body. Your partner likely chose this person for reasons other than looks or compatibility—such as luck and circumstance, or being at the "right place at the right time."

How can you forgive your lover? Try seeing things from their point of view, realizing that not everyone is perfect, and knowing that some people make mistakes, including your lover.

The question then becomes whether or not you should forgive your lover. If your beloved is trying to make amends, and if they are truly sorry for what they did, your relationship still has a chance to mend and heal.

If they explain what occurred and are willing to pour out their heart to you, things can get better. With a little time, and a lot of understanding, a relationship can survive a cheating lover.