[W594]What Women Want Part 1

Women are sick and tired of guys promising the earth and delivering nothing. Men say what they can to get a woman into bed but fail to follow through. Not all men do this but enough to make a woman be very wary indeed.

Most women know the game by now but can still sometimes be suckered, like we all can. Then they keep their guard up even more, which makes it more difficult to break through in future.

I have a friend, let’s call her Carla. She is very attractive and gets a lot of attention from men. However, she finds it hard to get a man she actually likes. She constantly perceives the men she meets as just trying to bed her and understandably gets thoroughly fed up with it. Many of these guys probably want to date her with honourable intentions. Yet it becomes difficult to distinguish between the honest ones and the dishonest.

Consequently, she starts to generalise and says, “All men are the same. They’re only after one thing." She desperately wants to meet a guy who is honest with her and wants her for who she is and not just her body. That leaves her vulnerable - in a positive way - to the advances of someone genuine, assuming they can convince her of their honesty.

But how can you make yourself appear more honest? Easily. Tell them something negative about you before you tell them something positive. This is a ploy clever salespeople use to make them appear more impartial and less self-serving. Your date is likely to think, “He’s telling me something bad about himself, which he doesn’t have to do. Therefore, he seems to be an honest bloke. I can trust and believe him." This adds credibility to the positive things you say about yourself. Try it, it works.

In fact, women appreciate honesty so much that even if you think it will go against you, tell them anyway. If you meet a woman for a date and she wants a long-term relationship, don’t promise her the world just to get your leg over. Charm her? Yes. Tell her how nice she is? Definitely.! Make her feel special? Of course! But don’t say you want something that you don’t.

If she says she wants a long term relationship (and you don’t) say, “I’m not sure what I’m looking for at the moment, if I’m honest." She may not like your answer but you will build some trust with her and this is important. This is a better response than just saying, “I just want something really casual." You can tell her this when you get to know her a little more. You have to present things in a palatable way and with tact.

Likewise, if you are looking for marriage, don’t blurt out, “I’m looking for someone to marry." It smacks of desperation. Instead, dress it up as, “I think I’d like something a bit more long term now." She may be looking for something more casual, but as she gets to know you, she may change her mind. Keep your options open at all times as the dynamics of a relationship can change as you get to know one another. Say the wrong thing and you can turn off the tap before you know what the water tastes like.

Intimacy

Boy, do I hear this one a lot: “He never seems to open up to me." Women are plain fed up at men’s apparent lack of ability to open up and share their feelings. When they meet a man who can do this, they feel a much deeper connection as it fulfils a very basic need of theirs.

What’s the big deal guys? Why do women want us to share our feelings with them? It all goes back to our social conditioning.

Men and women have very different upbringings. If some boys are playing sports at high school and one falls over grazing his leg, the other boys will carry on playing and the injured party gets pushed to one side.

If the gender was reversed and it was a girl who fell, things would be different. The other girls would crowd round to help out, seeing if she was all right.

Boys are brought up to be tough and not show their feelings or be perceived as being weak. Girls are brought up to be much more collaborative with each other and share feelings and stay together. I suppose you could say boys are taught to be self-reliant, women to team together.

These attitudes tend to stick with us into our adult years, as our formative years have ingrained them into our more receptive minds. It is for this reason that men fear intimacy and women seek it out.

To make a women feel more fulfilled, just try to share what you are thinking and not bottling it all up. They like a man to be both strong and vulnerable, but we guys tend to avoid being vulnerable. But don’t! Fight it and open up. Contradictory though it may sound, you are less likely to be rejected if you make yourself vulnerable than if you act the opposite. A women will find you more appealing and therefore more likely to want to stay with you.

Another important point to consider is make sure your definition of being intimate is the same as your partners. You may think you are being intimate but that is according to your perception. Check with your partner to see that it matches. You might be surprised.

One woman said to me that she had this problem with a guy. They just couldn’t agree on what being intimate was. Consequently, she saw no future in the relationship, as the right level of intimacy was essential for her.

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