The sad thing is that the invalid beliefs about selfishness are buried so deep in the subconscious mind that they run people's lives without them even knowing it. Until a person takes a close look at the topic of selfishness and determines for themselves where it fits in their life, there is little hope that they will live the life they were born to live.

Consider the following scenario.

Suzie is looking forward to Saturday. She has planned a "do nothing" day for herself. She is going to sleep in as late as she wants. The rest of the day she is going to follow her heart and do whatever she feels like doing. Suzie has been on a dead run for weeks and she really needs this rejuvenation time.

The phone rings. It is Nadine, Suzie's best friend.

"What are you doing Saturday?" asks Nadine.

"I'm taking a total day off for myself. I really need to recharge my batteries."

"I hate to ask," says Nadine, "but could you watch little Bobby for a couple of hours in the afternoon? Fred is coming into town and I really want to have some private time with him, if you know what I mean," giggles Nadine.

"Isn't there someone else who could watch Bobby? I really need this day off."

"Don't be so selfish," says Nadine. "It will only be a couple of hours. It is not like I am asking you to watch him the whole day!"

If you were Suzie what would you do? Would you change your plans to accommodate Nadine's request? Or would you say something like "Gosh, that really doesn't work for me. Sorry."

What you decide will depend on your beliefs about who you are, why you are here on the planet, and what you must do to be a "good person."

Is It Hard For You To Say "No" When Someone Asks You For Something?

- Do you feel obligated to please, placate and help others just because they ask you to?

- Do you feel like it is your fault if another is unhappy?

- Do you believe it is wrong to consider your own needs, wants and preferences in a given situation?

If you answered "yes" to any of the above questions, then you have beliefs that what you need and want is not as important as what others say they need and want from you.

- Do you feel that you are here on the planet for a reason?

- Do you feel that there is something you came to do and humanity will be deprived if you don't complete your mission?

- Do you feel that you are being guided from "above" to be on track with your life?

If you answered "yes" to any of the above questions then you have beliefs that living your life "on purpose" is important.

I am here to tell you, if you are afraid of being seen as selfish, you cannot become your authentic self? you cannot live your life on purpose?you cannot contribute what you came to contribute. In order to live an authentic life (the life you were born to live, not the life you were trained to live) you must become centered in your Self.

Here is a story that helped me stop being afraid of being seen as selfish.

Many years ago, in a Sunday sermon, the minister told the story of the crippled beggar. Every day his loving family would carry him to the city gate where he would beg for alms. One day, he asked for alms from one of the apostles. The apostle said "take up thy pallet and walk" and the beggar did.

The minister ended his sermon by saying: "never do anything for anyone that they could, or should, do for themselves. If you do, you will cripple them."

What a turning point that was for me in my life! No longer was I at the beck and call of anyone and everyone. I could now pay attention to my own life. From there I learned to ask "whose problem is this?" Just because I can fix or solve a problem doesn't mean it is mine to fix or solve!

The good news is that it is never too late to create a life that works? one that is joyful and struggle-free. Begin by filtering every request through the criteria of: is this something this person could, or should, do for themselves? This criteria can include: is this something they could, or should, ask someone else to do?

Keep reminding yourself every time you do something for someone that they could, or should, do for themselves, it is crippling them.