If you ask someone if they know the way to the nearest bank they may say yes even if they don't. They may even give you false directions so they don't have to lose face by admitting they don't know.
I've read that this is a hazard for Westerners doing
business in Asia. (How's sales? the American manager
asks his Thai assistant. Great, is the answer, until the books show the company's nearly bankrupt.)
It's even more of a problem for men searching for romance.
A woman may tell you she loves you if she senses that's what you want to hear. She could be setting you up for a con, but she could also simply be being considerate of your feelings. She doesn't want to break your heart by telling you of her Thai boyfriend (or husband).
When you're negotiating in Asia, whether it's for a contract to import computer parts or to marry, make sure that you communicate what you want. If you say you want her to cook dinner on Tuesday nights and she simply nods her head and says yes, don't be surprised if she wants you to take her to Burger King the first Tuesday night you're in America.
That's a trivial example just to give you the idea.
On important issues make sure she does understand what
you expect from her. Make her repeat it. If it's something truly important she'll expect you to say it more than once.
It's also possible for Asians to ignore you when you've asked them a question that they either can't or don't want to answer, either because it will make them lose face or they know the answer will make you unhappy.
If you repeat it, you'll make them uncomfortable. Take the hint and shut up or find a less direct way of asking what you want to know.
When you become sensitized to how Asians think of face
you will be amazed at how it changes your perception of Westerners. In my own humble opinion, I believe a big problem with our Western world today is that so many people have no concept of face.
Oh, we're told we should have self-respect, and many do to a degree, but it's not the same.
In public you see many people not respecting themselves or who they're with. We wouldn't have people on welfare except those under truly desperate circumstances.
To Asians it's a shameful thing.
I've seen many Indochinese come here from camps in
Thailand. They typically do collect government refugee
assistance (the check amounts are the same as AFDC) and food stamps -- for a few months, that is, while they go to English classes.
But as soon as possible they're out hunting for work, usually referred to apply for jobs by an agency or a network of their friends who've been in the country a little while longer, and they soon get one, for employers have quickly learned how hard they work.
