When it comes down to it we all want good relationships. Not only with that special someone, but also all of our relationships; family, friends, work colleagues. The fundamentals of any good healthy relationship are the same. For now we will focus on our primary relationship with our partner, but these ideas can apply to any and all of our relating to others.

Open, honest clear communication is the first non-negotiable. If we can't talk about what we feel, think, and want then we trip up at the first step. So often people feel that they have to be a certain way for someone else to love them. They can't say that because their partner might not agree. They can't do this because their partner doesn't like it. But ask yourself this; 'do I want to playing a false role for the rest of my life that is not me? Do I want to hide a part of me to make another feel comfortable? Do I want to negate my wishes for my life to make someone else feel better?' Put like that the answer is normally No.

True relationship is one where we share the totality of ourselves, to the best of our ability at any given moment in time. This is very different from the myths and fairytales we were brought up to believe. In those we were told that we were not whole until we had found that special person who would complete us. This is not true. We are whole as we stand. To want someone to fill us up is to ask the impossible of another. Sooner or later it has to fail. Good, healthy relationships are when we say here I am, warts and all, and I want to share all of me with all of you (warts and all!).

Our relationships are the biggest learning ground we have. A teacher once said 'put two people together and they will teach each other more about themselves than any self enquiry'. We are the grist for each other's mill. We are supposed to learn from each other, those little things that drive us crazy are showing us something about ourselves. Our relationships are the greatest mirror that will ever be held up in front of our eyes.

So often we leave relationships because they don't work only to find ourselves in yet another similar situation. This is because it is not the other person who needs to change but ourselves. Instead of blaming the other we need to look at where our responsibility lies within any situation and own our part in it.

That first special stomach churning, heart fluttering moment is the true connection you have with another person. This is before any of the 'stuff' kicks in. It is a heart felt moment when two souls say 'hi'. If we can come back to that clear moment and operate from there then our communication will always serve us. Instead of playing the role we think they want us to play we will be bringing all of ourselves to the present moment. It might mean that there will be times when one or the other in the relationship might say something that hurts. Truth sometimes does. This is not intentional, but because sometimes we don't want to hear the truth. But if we can stay true to ourselves in that moment and hear what the other is saying, without too strong a reaction, it nearly always holds great learning.

Our relationships enable us to grow as human beings, to share the best of who we are in any moment. They will be joyful, painful, fun filled, frustrating, inspiring, annoying, uplifting and all other emotions in between. But you know they will be real, and they will be an expression of a love far greater than we can imagine.