The ‘Nice Guy' dating trap is said to be something like the Hotel California - you can check out any time you like, but you can never leave. But you CAN escape. And believe me, unless your face looks like an Idaho potato that just got run over by a pickup truck, the problem is all in your mind.

Be warned, though - there are no quick fixes. This is definitely a 12-step program (”Hello, my name is Jake Danger and I am a Nice Guy”.) This article runs through Step One, the psychological preparation. It assumes that your problem is getting second dates, not first ones (but can be adapted for use by those who cannot get first dates). It works best if you are part of a sizeable social network such as a school, company, or even a crowd of regulars at some social gathering; but it will work fairly well even without this advantage.

Here goes:

(i) Get a date. Choose someone you genuinely like (Close your eyes for a moment and forget how hot she is. Would you still want to be her friend? Good.) DON'T invite your dream girl on this one, because this is a practice date and you should look at it that way. Don't worry, your date will get over it - who knows, maybe she's just practicing too…

(ii) The Opening: Show up dressed like a bad boy - wear a black biker jacket or something (don't go too far now - a purple Mohawk is definitely out of the question unless she's into punk rock). If she makes a disparaging comment about it, so much the better - good naturedly agree with her that you're bad. The worst, actually…

(iii) During the Date: You genuinely like her, right? Of course you're unselfishly trying to make HER happy, rather than being nice to her so she'll like you and make YOU happy. This one is critical - if you're really trying to make her happy then you won't grovel, because after all you do know that women HATE grovelling, don't you? It would be good to do some advance mirror-front soul searching to examine your true motivations and modify them if necessary. And by the way, it's OK to have a second, more selfish purpose (to escape the Nice Guy Trap) - just keep the focus on her happiness as long as she is in your presence. And don't talk too much.

(iv) The End Game: Walk her to her front door, and approximately 0.8 seconds before she starts in with the old “You're a Nice Guy, but…” routine, turn around and head for your car without a word. Your timing needs to be impeccable here - a second too early and you'll come across as either demented or spiteful; a second too late and you'll look like a puppy who's just been slapped when it came up to be petted. Life is a game of inches, baby. A couple of seconds later, turn your head back (without breaking stride), smile and wink, then turn back toward your car and drive off into the sunset. DON'T SAY A WORD, even if she speaks to you. You don't have to explain yourself. After all, she's a nice girl, BUT…

Trust me - if you do this one right, it will secretly delight her.

And keep a smile on your face - this should all be taken in a spirit of fun.

(v) The Aftermath: Completely blow her off. Be nice to her if you run into her, but let her approach you rather than the other way around. Don't let her talk you into a second date (just friends will be fine, though). And if she doesn't approach you, so what?

(vi) Repeat Substeps (i) through (v) above with several different women on several different first dates. Preferably these women should all be part of the same social network, although they need not know each other directly. This may get a buzz going on about you, and it will work to your advantage. So keep the biker jacket. Even if it doesn't spark a buzz, you won't BELIEVE what it will do for your morale.

(vii) Stand in front of the mirror, look into your own eyes, and repeat the following sentence 137 times a day: “No woman is worth my pride. No woman is worth my pride. No woman is worth my pr…”

If you can't get a first date, then practice completely blowing off women whose altar you used to worship before. Your spirit should be one of good-humored indifference, not anger or spite (anger and spite are signs of weakness).