I envisioned traveling the globe and visiting so many cultures and experiencing what the world was all about. I saw myself helping out with different charities for the homeless and afflicted.
I imagined myself owning my own company and not being under the reigns of some frustrating boss. I saw flexibility to see my kids grow up playing sports, in their first concert or on stage for the leading role in the high school play.
I at least saw myself being at home for dinner and taking care of my spouse. Spending these great years with my loved ones by my side instead of in a picture in a frame on my desk. Isn't there more?
What happen to my hobbies? I skied! I was in shape! I ran for miles and lifted many weights, but now I am overweight and embarrassed to be seen in public. I don't remember the last time my skin saw the sun without shying away like a vampire.
I was going to be driving that nice car and I was going to give back to my parents like they have given to me. I didn't want to be like my father, fighting for a retirement and quality pension.
Instead I don't even know if a pension will even exist. My 401k isn't exactly record worthy. What happens in case of an emergency? What if I get sick or pass away or if the same happens to my spouse.
What will my children do? What about all of the debt that I have accumulated after all these years that I thought I was going to pay off. Sometimes these thoughts vanish away and I am comfortable with where I am at, but then there are moments of strong sudden flashes of realization.
I am not where I want to be. I deserve a lot more and more importantly, so do my loved ones. You think back on your experiences of your life and the luxuries that you have had. You think there are things to appreciate, but when in reality all they have ever done was depreciate.
The joy was fleeting. It lasted for a moment like a drug, but slowly faded away and led to only pain and emptiness. Now don't get me wrong. As I think about it, there is a lot I am grateful for, but as I think of those things I should be grateful for I only feel that I have the responsibility to give back more.
To give back to those who have sacrificed so much. To my mother that spent countless nights after a hard days work coming home and fixing me meals and then somehow finding the time to do school projects. To my father that bought me that bike, car and numerous other things out of a paycheck that probably couldn't afford that type of a sacrifice.
To my spouse that kept me up when I was down and reminded me of the greatness that was always in me from the beginning, and at times I would forget. To my children that look up to me with great expectations and are dependant on me for so much.
I want to help them realize not just financial success, but to be able to keep that knowledge no matter what the circumstances are. So they will be strong and contribute greatly to society and their children and hopefully not staring into a cubicle wondering where has the time gone.