What is Kaizen? A drug, an herb, or a hot, new sexual technique? None of the above, yet it can change how you handle your love life. Kaizen is a concept used in Japan's most successful companies, and it involves the philosophy of making small changes continuously. And then watching attentively to discover which of these changes create positive difference, and which do not. Changes are made slowly and carefully, and adjusted as you go, usually one at a time.

So what does his have to do with romance and sex? Be patient. You'll soon know.

Business people who implement Kaizen-based changes are not expecting fast change. They are looking for incremental differences that bring some, possibly small, improvements. They are not in a hurry to make everything all better in a flash. Patience lets them test carefully and choose the best changes of the best, and then improve on them further.

The deliberate process helps them know which changes were useful and important, and which were incidental. I want to emphasize that this is not change for the sake of change. It's about genuine, lasting, and ongoing improvement.

Now here comes the amazing connection to the art of love: Have you ever used the “throwing out the baby with the bath water” method of managing romance? I mean have you ever broken up with a great person because one thing didn't meet your pictures of how dating or love should be? Too close to his mother? Too into her friends? Not a VP+ at the company? Not sexy enough? Too sexy? Uh-huh, that kind of stuff.

Or have you ever dissed yourself because something about you didn't jibe with your current date/mate, and tried to change yourself to fit his or her notions, without thinking how it might affect the rest of your life? Yup.

On the other hand, have you ever avoided making even a teeny-tiny concession because you believe your date or mate should worship you exactly and precisely the way you are? Oh man.

Now consider, in your last coupling, which small, careful change you could have made as an experiment: Might you have tried a sport your date loved that you felt uncomfortable with? At least watched it, then gotten a bit of instruction in it?

Might you have attended a religious service different from your own? Considered a new sexual position that your lover was interested in? Or perhaps watched a scene of lovers using that position and imagined yourself partaking?

Could you have tried a small appetizer at a restaurant he loved but made you nervous, then gone to your usual place to eat the main meal?

Trying something different creates new possibilities, chances to explore together, and a chance to say “I really want to get to know you.” It develops rapport and, later, trust.

And it lets you confer a wonderful compliment: Getting to know you is worth stepping outside my comfort zone.

How far outside you step is up to you. Naturally, the newer the relationship, the more safety you may require. These small, gradual, and continuous changes can be the best way into a fully developed and matured relationship, or they may help you discover quickly what are your must-have's, would-like's and no-way's in a love connection.

So experiment with this philosophy of small, continuous changes, with plenty of time to sense, feel, and evaluate in between. Next time you meet someone who seems to have potential, remember the concept of Kaizen and try it for yourself. Copyright 2007 by Wendy Lapidus-Saltz. All rights reserved.