Our attention is consumed by the things we DON'T want, for example:

* An awkward boss

* Impossible deadlines

* Office politics

* A floundering project

* Demanding customers

* Money troubles

Because 'energy flows where attention goes', this focus on what we don't want becomes a drain on the time and energy that would be much better directed towards what we DO want.

The other critical point is that, when we focus on what we don't want, we tend to get more of it! Focus on your difficult colleagues and you find that the number of them seems to grow.

You may have come across the 'new car syndrome' - this occurs when you buy a new model. Up until then, you are largely unaware of how many there are on the road but the new purchase changes all this.

Now you see similar cars wherever you go. It's like retuning your internal radar so you can pick up what you did not detect before. While the real world has not transformed overnight, your subjective experience changes significantly.

So when you experience difficult times, you can also retune your radar. Decide what you do want - if you like ask a friend, colleague or coach to help you. Shake up the detail and get clear. Write it down.

Yes but (there is always a yes but ...) how does this really change anything? If I have an awkward boss, even after retuning my radar, I still have an awkward boss, right?

The answer is both Yes and No.

Yes- because you have no direct control over certain factors.

No - because by retuning your radar, you will see what was previously hidden - where you can influence what happens around you. By using your influence in fresh ways, you can alter an existing relationship.

Recently one of my coaching clients had a major turnaround in the relationship with her boss. It was only by becoming clear on what she wanted that she was able to break through the habitual patterns of interaction. Then she could communicate in a new way, both in what she said and how she said it.

By being clear on what you want, you will be able to spot the opportunities (like the new car) to move towards it. When you focus on what you really want, what is truly important, you will be energised and motivated to take action to get you there.