As a Marriage, Family Therapist for 26 years, I have helped many couples with a process I developed, HART: Holistic and Rapid Transformation, experience the loving partnership that they deeply desired, . The clients were successful in raising their self-esteem; healing old hurts with other loved ones (especially Mom and Dad), releasing their negative beliefs about relationships and improving their communication.
I noticed that the clients often had similar needs, and did not know how to express their desires in a positive way. In order to help them to communicate, I gave each client the following list, and asked them both to check-off what they wanted to say to their partner. Then the clients exchanged their lists, read what their lover requested and expressed whether they were willing to give them what they wanted.
Most of the time, because they loved each other and really wanted their partner to be happy, they were more than willing to do what was requested. In fact, they shared how glad they were to receive clear messages. To help you have the fantastic relationship you desire, you may want to do the same with your partner. Take the time to check-off what you both want, and give each other the gift of communicating constructively and honestly.
DEAR LOVE,
Please:
1. Communicate clearly so that I can know how you feel and what you want.
2. Listen to me when I talk to you, and then I will want to keep sharing my thoughts and feelings.
3. Keep clearing your resentments with me so that we can continue to feel close.
4. Release your anger constructively and then tell me calmly what you are angry about or if you feel hurt or frightened.
5. Help me solve our problems with win-win solutions.
6. Keep your agreements and tell me the truth so that I can trust you.
7. Take responsibility for all your feelings and behavior.
8. Forgive yourself for all your wrongdoings and accept that you deserve a fantastic relationship.
9. Accept me the way I am even though I may be different than you.
10. Understand that what I say or do is a reflection of me and not of you.
11. Be patient with me, and forgive me when I make mistakes.
12. Realize that I am responsible for my life.
13. Encourage me to explore my unique interests, talents and potential.
14. Spend quality time with me, and then I will be convinced that I am important to you.
15. Treat me as you would your best friend.
16. Compliment and appreciate me, and tell me how much you care.
17. Understand that I may need harmony before I can be sexual with you.
18. Balance your life between work and play and encourage me to do the same.
19. Continue to seek excitement, fun and the magic of life with me.
