Q. "I am a single mother with three children; Caitlin 7, Tom 9, and Liam 11. While Cait is fine, the two boys are causing me problems. Tom behaves well in school, but has learning difficulties. After school though, he turns into a monster, and throws temper tantrums. Liam is rude, not affectionate and just generally hates me. His dad never visits, and Tom's dad died when he was a baby. I'm going crazy and want to know what I'm doing wrong."

A. I am sorry to hear you are having such a difficult time with them. Parenting is supposed to be fun! Well, most of the time, anyway.

First, stop blaming yourself as it won't accomplish a thing. Just like anyone else, you have most likely made lots of bad decisions. It doesn't matter. The big question is what do you do now, to make the best of what you have?

Remember too that your daughter is fine, so your mothering skills must be on the right track.

It's also great that one of your sons is doing well at school. It's encouraging that he can work there, even with learning problems. You should definitely check in with his school, though, and find out how hard it is for him. It could be that he brings all his troubles home where he can vent his frustrations.

It's most likely that both boys miss having their dads around. This is a hard problem to tackle. The youngest probably finds life easier since "a dead dad is better than a non-caring one". That's because he isn't actually being rejected. You can't do anything about the other dad except to be honest with your son. It isn't a good idea to either defend or criticize him. If you make excuses for him your boy will take it as you being on the dad's side. If you say negative things about him then the child will want to defend him, since he is his dad.

Remember that you cannot change the children. You can only change yourself. So, in what ways could you be different that would make life more peaceful for yourself? Surprisingly, if you can find ways to be more positive yourself, it will probably result in the kids also being more positive. Conversely, if you always do what you've always done, you will always get what you've always got.

Most of all, believe in yourself and your children. Don't look back, look to the future and decide how you want it to be. Think in positive terms i.e. don't think about what you don't want, or what you worry about, think instead about what desired outcomes you do want. Don't expect to get there in one day, but look for tiny little steps that will gradually take you there. And then do what it takes to get there. It will take a bit of effort at first, but then, living like you do now also takes effort. Read what you can. Talk to other parents. You will get there if you are prepared to make the effort.