There's this doctor I have to visit tomorrow. No major issues, just to discuss some of the events that are going on in this, umm, maturing body. But I know the routine when you first go into the room, and for some reason, I'm not looking forward to it. You know what they do-check your blood pressure and, yes, your weight.
For some reason, I am just not looking forward to being weighed, and I don't even know why I am thinking about it! I feel so silly, because I talk to women (and some men) all the time about how a single number is not that important. I want to work with people to enable them to realize weight is just a small part of who they are. We put too much importance on this single number, and make such drastic judgments about ourselves based on it. I want people to stop wasting their energy on this and find other truly important issues with which to spend their time. Like being with family, friends, reading, living.
So what is bothering me? I haven't even weighed myself for, who knows? I don't know what I weigh. I am sure the doctor won't care, or even look at the number, so what's going on?
Now is the time for me to really practice what I preach." I truly believe that being at peace with food is a long-term relationship that, like all relationships, has its ups and downs. I think I must be in a down phase right now, and I'm not sure why. Perhaps I am more concerned about why I am seeing the doctor, and it is easier to focus on the weight. It's always easier to blame mood on weight than to consider what is the real problem, right? It's easier to think that personal or business relationships are not going the way we like because we are fat, and unworthy of attention. I know I have wasted time thinking about my weight-and missing out on other important times, like being with friends and family.
I think my concerns may be that I can no longer look in the mirror and see a young person, and that bothers me more than I'd like it to. Perhaps I am just not sure what is going on with my body, and I'm not sure I want to know. I mean, I do know that bodies change as we age-I've read the books and even volunteered at the organizations that work with these issues. I know that I am going to keep coloring my hair for the next gazillion years because I'm just not ready to be gray. I know I can keep walking and watch what I am eating to help reduce my risk for chronic illnesses like heart disease and high blood pressure. Yet, I know at this stage in my life, my genes may be expressing themselves more than they used to, and that I may be doing all I can to counter any negative influences my parents gave me.
Say, we may be on to something. Maybe I'd rather be concerned about my weight than think about accepting the changes my body is going through. Perhaps it is time to not just work on being at peace with food, but also make the time to work on being at peace with my body.
Say, thanks for helping me figure out what's eating me!
