Although most of us say we want to be happy, we often find it difficult to shed our pessimistic grouchy personas. What holds us back? The list can be endless with desires for better health, more money, job security, and leisure time to name a few common ones. And yet we all know people who are happy despite their apparent lack of many of these things. So that can't be the whole story.

There is paradoxical comfort in misery. Misery may feel like a friend, yes, a miserable one but the devil we know is often better than the one we do not. We wear our habitual thoughts and feelings like a comfortable old sweatshirt and a pair of ragged jeans. They may turn others off, makes us feel sloppy and bad about ourselves but they are OURS. We know who we are when we are wearing them. And we feel downright naked without them.

Discover why misery is your best friend.

Ask yourself the following questions:

Does being miserable...

-Get me more attention from others?

-Give me an excuse for procrastinating?

-Protect me from taking risks and possibly failing?

-Make my relationships less intimate and therefore more comfortable?

-Prevent me from making the life changes I want but am afraid to make?

-Lower others' expectations of me so I feel more successful?

If you answered "yes" to any of the above, get help in managing the feelings that are keeping you from enjoying your life to the fullest. In the meantime start feeling happier by taking several small steps.

Small Steps You Can Take on the Road to Making Friends with Happiness

Keep an Appreciation Journal

Develop a keener sense of appreciation for what is going right in your life. You may need to hunt for these as they may be buried under your long list of woes. Be persistent. Write at least one entry a day and post your entry in your work area.

Give compliments

Each day recognize a job well done by someone at home and/or at work and tell her/him so.

Engage in Enjoyable Activity

Identify 1 activity that brings you pleasure. (Also does you no harm.) Make plans to engage in this activity at least once during your week.

Exercise

Spend some time each week rhythmically moving your body whether it's walking, running, weight lifting, swimming, dancing or yoga. Just do it. Even taking the stairs at work is a good start.

Get Support

Tell someone you trust that you are working on improving your mood and ask him or her to support you in some concrete way. For example, you might ask your husband to do the carpooling on Wednesday night because you have chosen to go bowling as your enjoyable activity for the week.