Toilet training often provokes great anxiety in parents. Many seem to see it as some sort of competition - the earlier they get their child potty trained the brighter their child must be, and the better they as parents must be. Total nonsense of course! Trying to potty train your child before he or she is ready is a recipe for frustration, frayed nerves, and traumatized children.

On the other hand, waiting until your child is genuinely ready makes the whole process a whole lot easier, happier, and less stressful. Does it really matter if your little Susie is trained three months later than your neighbors Cathy?

Every child is different, and that's the beauty. Learn to cherish it. Most toddlers are not genuinely toilet trained before the age of two or three years though there are exceptions that may be toilet trained at 20 months. Moreover, as a rule, boys take longer to be potty trained than girls. Almost all children are toilet trained by the age of 4, though bedwetting continues till the age of 5 in about 10% kids. There is no need to be in haste. If you do that, you might have to face problems, such as soiling, that can last much longer.

So, in the interests of more peace at home, here are some guidelines on how to prepare your child for the great Potty Training Experience - and how to know when he or she is ready to start.

1. Before you start with potty training, it is important for your child to be familiar with the body parts, their functions, and the names you use as a family. Every family has its own names. So, it really doesn't matter what names you give as long as everyone knows what they mean.

2. Despite concerns shown against it, I think it is a good idea to let your child witness you or other family member, preferably of the same sex, using the toilet. If you do it naturally, your child will get the idea that it is the natural thing to do. Contrary to some misconceptions, it will not traumatize your child. Talk about it as a grown-up thing to do. This will prepare your child for using a potty to begin with and then the big toilet. It instills a sense of anticipation since all toddlers want to do the things that grown-ups do. You can allow your child to flush the toilet to get used to the whole process.

3. As the time approaches for starting the toilet training, get the potty out and leave it in a visible place. Make sure she knows what it is, and what it is for but, again, talk in terms of "one day you will be able to use this".

Look for the signs of approaching readiness:

1. Can she tell you when she is wet or dirty? You can help with this by asking her or pointing out to her immediately after she urinated or had a bowel movement. Whether your spot it, or she tells you, change her diaper as soon as possible. You want to reinforce the idea that being clean and dry is more comfortable than being wet and dirty. If she comes and tells you that she needs a diaper change, offer lots of praise and do it straight away.

2. In the beginning, children find it difficult to physically manage the potty. They are not steady and might fall off. Also, they don't get enough warning so there may be some accidents leading to frustration with getting to the bathroom and getting clothes off. If this is happening too often, it is better to wait another month or two.

3. See if your child can follow simple directions like taking a piece of tissue and throwing it into the toilet. If not, or if he refuses to do so, then you need to address that problem first.

4. You will soon observe a definite pattern such as twice a day after meals. These are signs of developing bowel and bladder control. If his stools are not firm and well formed, he will not be able to stay dry for several hours at a time, because he won't be able to control long enough to get to the bathroom. Do not hurry him otherwise he will start withholding forcibly, which can lead to various other problems. If your child has a constant problem of hard stools, then you need to consider a change of diet to make the stool softer and easier to pass.

5. Above all, give a positive feeling about toilet to your child. He should look forward to the day when he can use a toilet like a grown up. It all depends on the preparatory work you have done. Some children have fears about flushing water etc, which will have to be addressed before starting the toilet training. You will need to make your child familiar with the toilet and let him practice sitting on the potty with clothes on. This will reassure him that he won't disappear and get flushed away like the potty does.

These are the signs to look for in order to start toilet training. Be positive. And reward your child for success but don't punish for failures.

Good luck!