Parenting 5 adopted children has caused me over the years to become if not not well versed, at least well read on issues we may encounter. So in this research it is no great surprise that I included Oppositional Defiance Disorder, aka ODD. While looking further into this, I discovered a resource called the Total Transformation Program by Dr. James Lehman, behavioral therapist. When I read his description of a day with an ODD kid - ongoing arguing in an unknown battle beginning with waking up in the morning and continuing well past their bedtime - I knew I had to learn more.

Oppositional Defiance Disorder Definition

The face of an Oppositional Defiance behavior child is usually angry, frustrated, raging, resentful (esp. of adults), bossy, annoyed, blaming. They find themselves always looking to put the blame on their unhappiness on anyone other than them and find coping is almost impossible. Their choice of friends of that also reflect these behaviors is not uncommon.

A common complaint by Oppositional Defiant children is they don't ever get what they want. This is become it is hard for them to use rational thinking. They want you to pay attention to them, however when you do you get shoved away. The crux of all this is these kids are difficult to like. That opens up another can of worms - feeling like a lousy parent cause you love your kid, but being with them is highly distasteful. Add their over-the-top behavior when you are around others and it is just plain hard.

Sadly, I know how this feels first hand from my experiences with a few of my kiddos and it's a drag.

Where did the Oppositional Defiance Disorder come from?

ODD is not a self-esteem issue; it's a problem solving issue. In a nutshell, they don't know how to solve a problem, so they try to gain control by bullying, screaming, negotiating, or bargaining. According to Dr. Lehman, there is no evidence that self-esteem leads to compliance, and emotions are not, in and of themselves, a way for kids to cope with their problems.

Is there any ODD treatment?

Dr. Lehman says that one thing to definitely not do is to give the child a time out. A child with ODD won't use the time out to change his thinking - he'll use it to plot revenge. Parents need to change their parenting style to deal with a kid with oppositional defiance behavior. Here are 4 tips that he suggests. You can find many more in his wonderful program The Total Transformation. I just can't describe how much good its done for our family.

1. Oppositional Defiance Disorder kids need structure and firm training that the focus is on how to solve the problems that cause the defiance. You let the child know there is a problem here that needs to be resolved and let's look at it that way. Such as, staying in bed after your alarm goes off doesn't solve your problem. It causes you miss the bus. What is a solution to this problem?

2. The focus of treatment needs to be on developing compliance and coping skills, not primarily on self-esteem. Kids get self-esteem by doing things that are hard for them. Children with ODD need strong praise and support as well as realistic rewards. A pat on the back for something they should already know how to do doesn't cut it.

3. Power struggles are a no-win situation for either of you. Select your battles with this in mind - you only are going to participate in the ones you will definitely win. Like not participating in the arguing. Now you are ready to share your expectations in an unemotional way with the understanding that compliance is the expected outcome.

4. Have a plan for managing your childs behavior. When you're in the car, know what you'll do if he acts out there. Similarly, if you're at the mall or at a friends place, have a plan for how to handle the situation - for instance, one warning then leaving. Make sure the child learns that defiance doesn't get him what he wants.

Most of the time, Opposition Defiance Disorder is not a huge thing. It can be nipped in the bud when at the low level stage of defiance as long as they are not aggressive. Mostly it is just annoying to those around them. But be forewarned, untreated it has a great possibility of becoming Conduct Disorder which then would transform into anti-social and criminal behavior. The good news is that the Total Transformation program can turn things around and quickly. I know because that is what has happily happened to my family.