When my girls came home laughing and lighthearted after a weekend visit with their mom, I listened to them horsing around. While I was happy for them that they'd enjoyed their time with her, until after my therapy work, I would fuss and cluck inside my own head about their fun times. "Oh sure, go and have fun while I'm stuck here with laundry and house cleaning." "She doesn't have to make them toe the line for anything. All they do is have fun visiting her." "I wish our times together were just fun and laughter, but no, I'm the one who has to make them get their homework done, or do the dishes after supper when they want to whine."

I know, I know, it was a pity party and I had a small violin to accompany myself too. :) I'm pretty sure there were a few times when those nasty thought oozed from my mind right out the front of my face, but I know for the most part, I tried to keep them to myself.

You may wonder why it's not a good idea to indulge in that kind of thinking because you know you do it too? Well, I have several good reasons.

1) I needed to grow up. You probably do too. What possible good can come from laying this one all over your kids' good time? Nothing. You just add guilt.

2) My daughters didn't know what I was going through emotionally, and they did not need to know right then. There's a time for everything, and that was not good timing.

3) Kids deserve to have lighthearted, simple joy in their lives. They need to be "in the moment" and when the moment is filled with joy, well, why would you want to disturb that?

4) The reasons for the divorce had nothing to do with your children. Don't lay your work off on to them. If you struggle with their joy, go get some help to restore the joy to your own life so you can have those joy-filled moments with them too. You deserve it as much as they do.

5) The maturity to keep your problems to yourself and not share them with your kids provides a life-long benefit to your children. You wouldn't want your children to think that your problems are theirs because that would be putting your burden on them. You can confide in your friends if you need to sound it out, and that way your kids will grow up in due time without your bummer emotions.