One of the qualities I really appreciate my husband Dave for is that he knows how to listen to criticism without defense, evaluate it and use the knowledge. It's easy to see how this life skill (among others) has increased his success in all areas of his life. Accepting criticism as a chance to improve is a valuable life skill.

In the workplace, we call it feedback. In our personal relationships we call it criticism. Either way, it's the same thing. No matter how it's delivered, the sender is giving us a gift of growth and improvement. It's important, however, to accept feedback without being defensive or blocking it. Not all criticism is valid, but look objectively and you will probably find opportunity buried in the comment.

Everyone loves to learn, but most of us don't like to be taught. Teaching involves criticism. If you are a parent, you have experienced the age old phenomenon of trying to teach your children without criticism so as to bolster their self esteem. It's harder than it looks, isn't it?

Do you feel like you have trouble accepting criticism? I don't know anyone who likes it, but it's part of the learning experience. Our teachers and mentors do it all the time, and we accept it as part of learning. But what about in our personal lives?

Do you get angry or defensive when someone gives you criticism? Or do you see it as a chance to self-correct and improve? Have you ever given "negative feedback" to someone with good intentions which was met with anger? How did you feel? On the flipside, have you given criticism to someone and be told "you are right. Thank you for telling me"! How did that make you feel?

Have you ever been through counseling? It's tough! Why? Because the counselor leads you through self "evaluation" - to get you to a place where you stop blaming others and see your part in your own unhappiness. If you have done this, I congratulate you. Many people are not brave enough to face self-criticism and follow through with lasting change. After all, it's always easier to blame others for your mistakes. It definitely leads to stagnation.

I looked on the web for suggestions on how to receive criticism and learn from it. I found lots of good information.

Common reasons why we give criticism:

* To help someone improve. * To see a change that we would like. * To further the discussion. * To hurt someone. (destructive) * To vent our frustrations. (destructive) * To boost our ego. (destructive)

Some Common Criticism Styles That Hurt:

* Use of insulting or degrading language, or putting down the person. the rest of the criticism. * Use of focus on the person rather than the action. ( eg. "You're a lousy singer") * Assumption by the listener that what they say or do is always right, and that the criticism is wrong.

How to Use Criticism as a Learning Tool:

* Stop Your First Reaction * Take a deep breath and think before getting defensive. * Turn a Negative Into a Positive * Even with the meanest spirited of criticism you can find honest feedback and a suggestion for improvement. * Be the Better Person * Take the criticism of your actions, not your person. Detach emotionally and see if it has validity. Don't attack or defend without pondering. * Thank the Critic * Even if someone is harsh and rude, thank them. For you might not have thought about it before! * Learn from the Criticism. Don't just go back to business as usual. Actually try to do better. Make a change happen.

When you are feeling emotional from someone's criticism, it's helpful to try and remember that most criticism is meant to help. Learning to evaluate it objectively will lead to many opportunities for growth and improvement!

Copyright (c) 2008 Ainsley Laing