lines such as “They’re really a good person, I really don’t think they’re using me… I suppose they’re just trying to make heads and tails of what it is they really want".
If I ask my client, “Is this what they said to you?" they say “No, but I know they’re not that kind of person".
So… I get to thinking… why are they asking me if their ex is using them or not?
Sometimes we really want to believe something and this causes us to read too much into the actions of the other person. For all you know, these signs could be nothing more than mere
wishful thinking.
Now the sad part to all of this is that by being strung along, you lure yourself into a false sense of hope. You feel there might still be a chance and wait forever.
You wait so long in fact, that you find you’re on perpetual “standby" as your ex has a potential hookup lined up and you’re just there in the background if things don’t go as planned.
So if you feel your ex is using you… chances are, they probably are.
Please take note of the following mixed signals that should raise a red flag should you ever encounter them:
1. They hardly, if ever, compliment you, even if you’ve made yourself especially more attractive to them. They just don’t seem to notice or look at you admiringly when you go out
together.
2. They’re so sweet when you’re together, laughing, smiling, complimenting you etc. but once apart, there’re no more calls, no contact and they just don’t care what’s happening in your
life.
3. You can’t remember when last you had a meaningful conversation or one that lasted more than 5 minutes for that matter. If it ever goes beyond 5 minutes, it’s probably because you’re
fighting.
4. Before the breakup they used to take you to see everyone. Friends, family, company parties, BBQs etc. but now since you’re together again, you’re never invited anywhere. It’s as if
they don’t want anyone to know you’re together again.
5. It’s been over 3 months and you’re still the one initiating contact, always emailing and calling but they never do the same.
6. They spend more time with friends than with you.
7. Discussions are always in the form of “You" or “I" but there isn’t talk of “Us" or "We" anymore, except during arguments.
8. You seem to be supporting your ex financially where you’re paying for dates, bills, accommodation etc.
Now those were some of the stronger signals that alert you whether you’re being used or not but at the same time, don’t assume things.
Asking your ex questions to find out what’s really going on could reveal the possibility that:
1. They’re unsure of your change and don’t know if you're different now or the same person that they broke up with.
2. They’re testing the water to determine if they can fully trust you again with their heart.
3. They’re feeling overwhelmed by how fast things are moving.
4. They would still like to be friends but maybe keep the possibility of something beyond that for the near future.
5. They need your support financially until they can support themselves.
NB: Ultimately, this could all be put down to the fact that you really are being strung along.
If you don’t ask questions, you’ll just never know and in the end, there isn’t that much pain of rejection that you’ll be dealing with should it come to that.
Clarification on these issues will lead the way forward and assist in getting you out of this confusing place you find yourself in.
