You take a browser out on the Web, hit some cool sites, knock back a couple of emails…and then what?

Just when you think you're hitting it off, making a good impression, might be in with a chance here, mate… it jumps into a blue taxi and vanishes into the night. No happy ever after for you my friend, you're going home alone.

Browsers can be heartlessly cruel. They promise you the World Wide Web, then deliver you to Wynberg Not Found. They reveal a bit of an image here, and a hint of a sound file there, but will they go the whole multimedia way? Not until you've wined them and dined them and showered them with plug-ins, and by then you can't remember what you wanted. Soon you're staying at home with the telly, hurling your ready meal across the room every time some over dressed actor gets full screen, full motion video. Instantly. At a single click. Without installing… oh, never mind.

Enough. It doesn't have to be like that. You and your browser can be a team. You can have an emotionally fulfilling relationship based on mutual support and respect for your inner children. Or failing that, you can experience great sites.

Here's How It's Done

Considering that Internet Explorer is the most widely used browser we take a look at what you need to do to court this beautiful, sleek and all-encompassing browser.

Internet explorer is installed by default in Windows 2000/XP/Vista. Internet Explorer likes 4 things; a meaty processor, big RAM, a large hard disk and a fast modem. All the personality in the world won't help if you fall short in the silicon department, although a fat wallet might help because you can afford to upgrade, but don't leave it too long, the technological clock is ticking.

There are two theories of upgrading. Some people will tell you to mess with your motherboard, tweak the Registry, compress your hard disk and download the latest drivers. All these things can make a difference, but they aren't going to turn you into the Charles Atlas of computing. Browsers know when you're faking and they'd rather have the real thing. A PIII 800 with 512MB of RAM and a 40gig HDD gets you through the door; double all the numbers for a seat at the bar. Fast downloads are the ginseng of life, so trash that 56k Modem and get real with broadband.

Now that you've upgraded to 1000MB RAM, 2GIG CPU power or a more powerful twin barreled carburetor, 80GIG or greater HDD, and a powerful ADSL or 3G with straight inline 6 cylinders, your browser is revving to go.

In the movies you can collide with a browser in the lobby, help them into the lift, and by the 7th floor you're engaged. In real life, you go bright red and take the stairs. It takes time to get to know a browser, and the first few dates won't go as smoothly as you like.

For starters, if it's the first time you're on a date, if you're using Internet Explorer, you need a couple of plug-ins. But before you download any plug-ins, Internet Explorer needs to be configured for optimum use. Open Internet Explorer and click on Tools in the top menu bar. Click Internet Options. Type in the default website that IE should open (usually your favorite website). Days to keep pages in history must be set to around 15. Click privacy and accept all cookies. Click apply. Click OK. Now click on View – Toolbars – Customize. Text Options must be set to ‘No Text Labels' and select ‘Small Icons' below. Click Close.

Now you can proceed to install additional plug-ins. Head over to Google and do a search for ‘Install adobe Flash Player'. Click to the adobe site and install the flash player. Install ‘Shockwave'. Also install ‘Adobe Acrobat Reader'. Now do a search for ‘Java' from Sun Microsystems and install the free Java for Windows. Install the ‘Google Toolbar' so that it's easier to search and also to block annoying pop-up windows. These are the most important plug-ins to enable Internet Explorer to work efficiently and display almost all the content you will find on a webpage.

Restart your computer, run a good Registry Mechanic program to optimize your Registry and iron out any problems. That's it. You now have a browser with muscles… and power to match. Go places, see things. Have wild and wonderful adventures. Receive record phone bills. It's only money after all.

Move with the Times

Diamonds are forever, but browsers only last a few months. If you love it, upgrade it.