Discovering Infidelity - One Womans Story

By: Ruth Houston

Wives Stories of Infidelity

The day I discovered my husband was cheating on me is forever etched in my mind. I will never forget my bewilderment, shock, confusion and my uncertainty about what to do next. I was totally devastated.

How I Found Out

As a freelance journalist and editor, I work from my home office. I accidentally stumbled onto Frank’s infidelity while doing interviews for an article assignment for a women’s magazine. To insure the accuracy of my notes, I always tape my interviews using a recording device attached to my office phone. While transcribing the interview tapes, I was shocked to find that I’d unknowingly recorded a number of incriminating phone calls made by Frank from our bedroom extension. Interspersed between the interviews, were revealing conversations he’d had with or about the women with whom he was involved.

A Perfect Marriage

That Frank might be cheating on me was the farthest thing from my mind, even though his behavior had been a little unusual the past few months. When infidelity did cross my mind, it was just a fleeting thought -- one I dismissed as quickly as it occurred. It was so far-fetched that I didn’t even give it serious consideration.

Frank and I had an exceptionally good marriage. People who knew us even strangers, often commented on what a “perfect couple” we were. I wrote relationship articles which appeared regularly in women’s magazines and earned me frequent guest spots on Good Day New York and several nationally syndicated radio talk shows. Our marriage (my second and Frank’s third) was the envy of all our friends.

Still, I was at a loss to explain some of the odd little things Frank had recently said and done. Nothing major -- just small insignificant things that were out of character for him and didn’t seem to make any sense. I chalked it up to male menopause (Frank was nearing 50) or stress from the heavy overtime he’d been working. Little did I know that these seemingly inconsequential things would turnout to be telltale signs.

Right Under My Very Nose

From the conversations on the tapes, I discovered that Frank had not one, but three lovers. I was dumb-founded to hear him boasting to a friend about his weekend morning “quickies” with Alexis, his early departures from work for afternoon trysts with Michelle, Marlene’s weekend stay at our apartment while I was away on a business trip and more. Even more astounding, was that all these things had taken place right under my very nose. In light of my discovery, I now saw Frank’s behavior through different eyes. And I became keenly aware of how many telltale signs I’d missed. Many of the odd things Frank said and did suddenly began to make sense.

Wives Stories of Infidelity
If Only I Recognized the Signs

Discovering that Frank was cheating was truly devastating. Being a naturally trusting person, I was oblivious to most of the telltale signs, despite the fact that they were staring me in the face. I later learned that many telltale signs begin to crop up when a man first starts think seriously about infidelity.

I could have at least saved myself a lot of heartaches and pain by preparing myself mentally and emotionally, and protecting myself legally and financially from a marriage that ultimately ended in divorce. 

The Infidelity Statistics are Shocking

  • The most widely accepted figures indicate that between 50 and 70 percent of married men (between 38 and 53 million men) have cheated or will cheat on their wives.
  • One study found that 2/3 of the wives (26 to 36 million women) whose husbands were cheating had no idea their husbands were having an affair. Largely because they failed to recognize the telltale signs. Yet the media continues to treat infidelity as a form of entertainment. Few people other than its victims take it seriously.

No Marriage is Immune to Infidelity

One of the most surprising things I learned about infidelity is that no marriage is immune.

  • Infidelity knows no boundaries.
  • “Good husbands” can cheat.
  • Infidelity can occur even in happy marriages.
  • It can affect couples of any race, creed, color or economic background. Rich or poor, young or old, newlywed or approaching a fiftieth anniversary – infidelity can happen to anyone – even you.

Given the current statistics on infidelity, many woman will experience being a victim of infidelity at some point in her life. The future of her marriage may one day depend on her ability to recognize the telltale signs in time. Armed with this book and her personal knowledge of her husband, she’ll be able to easily spot the warning signs.

Wives Stories of Infidelity
A Final Word

To any woman who suspects her husband of cheating, I implore you - for your peace of mind, for your physical health (think HIV/AIDS and other STDs), for your mental and emotional well-being, and for the future financial well-being of yourself and your children too -- find out if what you suspect is true. Don’t speculate – investigate! Take it from someone who has lived through infidelity – find out before it’s too late. Believe me, in this day and age, you can’t afford to be the last one to know.

NOTE: Despite my traumatic experience with Frank, the story does have a happy ending. I’ve been happily re-married for 4 years now, to a wonderful man who also values the sanctity of marriage as highly as I do. Ironically, he too, was cheated on, with disastrous and traumatic results.

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