The Professional Toilet Cleaner

By: melvin polatnick

I started my toilet cleaning career accidentally. It all began in a funeral parlor which was packed with former customers of a local prostitute; she had died of a heart attack while attempting to please the married members of a social club. I was in deep mourning for a woman who had become the most important part of my life; she was always there for me in my times of need. Tears started flowing from my eyes as I thought of how much I would miss her moist body and hot lips. I reached into my pocket for a handkerchief to wipe away my tears, but I had forgotten it. I then went into the men's room to use toilet paper to dry the tears that began flowing like a river. My life would never be the same without her, and I was hysterical. Things got even worse when I discovered the toilet paper dispenser empty. The tears had to be wiped away with my sleeves. I furiously marched to the funeral owner's office to complain about the poor maintenance of his toilet. He apologized to me and said his maintenance man had quit the job and he was now left without any help. We spoke about our problems and he told me that due to better health care less people were dying, and only five coffins were sold this week He then asked me if I could clean his three toilets for him until he retired and shut down his funeral parlor. The job sounded challenging, and I accepted his offer. He then handed me a roll of toilet paper and asked me if I would put it in the toilet paper dispenser. After a few weeks of working at his funeral parlor I applied for a job at an agency that cleaned toilets all over the city. I wanted to become a professional toilet cleaner, the references from my last job were accepted and I was hired immediately.

It takes a special type of person to be good at cleaning toilets. If a person does not enjoy the work, it is impossible to do a good job. That type of person must not be afraid of the smell or sight of feces. The main task of a professional toilet cleaner is to attack and destroy feces or urine where ever it is found. The nose and eyes should be fully open, human waste hides in the most unexpected places. Toilet paper dispensers should never be empty, without the availability of toilet paper a person's whole day can be ruined. The floors should be sparkling clean, and never smelling of urine. The toilets that I work in give comfort to the people that use them. I am proud to be a professional toilet cleaner, and that is why it has become my career.
melviiin1@verizon.net

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