How A Trailer Hitch Almost Made Me Rich

By: Andrew Bernhardt
I’ve become a huge fan of garage sales since I started watching “Antiques Roadshow". On the show, people bring in old items for appraisal and occasionally discover their junk is actually treasure. It is amazing to think that your drunk grandpa’s flask might have actually been owned by Abe Lincoln, or that thick book you’ve been using as a doorstop is sought by international collectors.So after seeing so many people hit the jackpot, I’ve become a treasure hunter of sorts. On Saturday mornings, when everyone else is chilling at the beach or watching the game, you can find me digging through piles of costume jewelry and bargaining for the antique furniture that might put me on easy street. Last Saturday, I took my friend Ryan along to a sale for his opinion on some items. We saw our share of the usual junk, nothing too exciting, until suddenly an enormous statue caught our eye. It was of a hideous demon with bat-like wings and a forked tongue, and it was over ten feet tall! We asked the owner (a greasy looking guy named Steve) to tell us about the statue’s history and how he came to own it.

Steve took us aside and told us that he got it from a rare items dealer in France. The statue was actually gargoyle that used to adorn a gothic cathedral, and it was over 400 years old! Steve was a devil worshipper and he thought the statue would make an awesome god. But now his roommate was on his case to cough up the rent, so he had to part with the god or his surfboard. Ryan motioned at me and whispered:“Hey man, I’ve seen this statue in a history book! It’s totally legit, and has to be priceless!"When I returned to Steve, I tried to keep my voice calm and steady. “Steve, I’ll give you a nickel"“Bah," snorted Steve, “$800,000"So we went back and forth until we finally settled on $35,000, which also happened to be my life savings. When we tried strap the gargoyle to my Miata, we ran into some trouble. The statue weighed 3,000lbs and it didn’t feel like cooperating, so we moved on to plan B. I went out and bought a brand new Ford F250, a trailer and a trailer hitch so I could haul my find. I figured buying a truck was no big deal— I was after all, rich!The setup worked perfectly and the stone monstrosity was soon kickin’ it at my pad. I spent the next week trying to get in touch with art dealers and rich weirdoes but I had no luck. I called up Ryan and asked him his advice.“Sorry dude," he said, “That statue is a fake."“But," I shrieked, “I thought you said it was the real deal!"“Oh yeah, my bad…"So now I’m stuck with my demon friend for the time being. But on the plus sideHealth Fitness Articles, the new trailer and trailer hitch work so well that I’m starting to get the itch to do some hauling. Tomorrow is Saturday and the garage sales await! I didn’t learn my lesson!

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