Exhaust Headers and Air Intakes Via the Circus

By: Jimmy Plant

I was walking down the road one ordinary day when suddenly, I saw her.

I was totally blown away. For the first time in my life I was in love. No, it wasn't a girl, it was a car. And not just any car-the most perfect car in the world- a cherry red Mustang.

I had just turned 17 and was envious of all my other friends who had already been driving for a year. Whenever I had to get somewhere, I had to walk, and so it hurt my ego to suddenly have to dive into a bush to avoid being seen when one of my friends whizzed by.

One day as I passed the Mustang I wanted it more than ever. I had to get some quick cash - but how?

Luckily, the circus had just come to town and I passed several workmen who were clearing a large area to set up tents and exhibits. I was intrigued. I had always loved going to the circus when I was younger and was drawn to the colors, sounds and excitement of being a spectator.

So I walked inside the grounds and up to the nearest tent. Outside there was a wooden placard on which was written "Help Wanted - Glamorous Internship Position Available". "Ah ha!" I thought to myself. This is surely fate at work. A few weeks on the job would put me well on the path to zooming down the highway in my dream car.

I walked into the tent and up to a desk. Behind a stack of ledgers was the manager who was busily counting piles of money. He ignored me, but when I cleared my throat a few times he looked up. "I'm here about an internship," I said.

His face lit up and he rubbed his hands together. "Excellent," he said. "We have a position available, and I think you might be perfect for it"

I had visions of stepping into the center of the ring, twirling my magnificent moustache and cracking my whip as the crowed roared. Or perhaps I could manage the freaks! I would feed the thousand pound man, or become the bearded lady's stylist. It was the circus after all, a place of endless dreams.

The manager stood and regarded me critically.

"The position requires someone who laughs at danger!"

"I'm your man," I replied calmly.

"Someone who can tame even the most fearsome beast, and can withstand what no ordinary mortal could bear to face!"

"No sweat," I said with growing confidence.

The manager smiled.

"Excellent, you're hired," he said, "Report back here tomorrow at 4 AM."

The next morning, I woke excitedly and ran all the way to work. But I was in for a surprise.

It turned out my job was to follow the elephants around with a bag and collect their massive droppings.

The manager tried to cheer me up. "This state has very strict laws on pollution," he would say, "If we don't keep the local community happy, we lose our license to perform. So in a way, you are single handedly responsible for the success of this entire enterprise."

Needless to say, I grew disillusioned pretty quickly. The elephants grew to recognize me and my bag and they were always ready for a fresh deposit. Even the clowns were laughing at me.

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