Living With an Alcoholic

by : John Mcmahon



In the previous article we talkedabout things but you should not do.? Inthis article we'll talk about things that you could do to make it more certainthat your partner will do something about their drinking.? As suggested in the previous article as thepartner of the drinker you should not fall into the trap of co-dependency, thatis living the life reacting to the behavior of the drinker.? It is difficult to not fall into thatpattern, however that only reinforces the drinker's behavior and increases theanger and resentment felt by the partner.

Instead you need to startthinking about yourself you need to start living you need to start having alife of your own.? Spend time withfriends, join clubs, find things that interest you.? If you can do this has a number ofconsequences.? First you might actuallyenjoy it, it may be some time since you actually had time to yourself and didthings for yourself.? Second you may findthat it takes your mind off some of the problems and you worry less, and youare less stressed.? Third it may say sendout a signal to the drinker but you're no longer spending your life waiting onthem in this change in the environment can often lead to the drinker to startconsidering their own behavior.? For theymay stop to believe that if they do not change the name may be alone.

Some commentators suggest thatyou should confront the drinker.? In somecases this may be the right thing to do, however be careful.? If you do confront then do not confront ifthe drinker is intoxicated.? Also theve ry careful about confronting if there is a history of violence, you probablyknow the risks of the situation better than anyone but remember and becautious.? Make sure that you're safe andbe doubly cautious if that are children involved.? One method of confrontation involves gettingfamily and friends as a united unit to do the confrontation.? This does have a number of advantages.? It presents a united front would and makes itmore difficult for the drinker to deny having a problem.? Having a number of people involved in theconfrontation may also provide a ready-made support network.?? It may also deflects attention away fromyourself as the partner of the drinker, although be careful that attention mayreturn again when you are alone.

It also helps if you are a positive and offer helpand support.? If the drinker suggestsgoing to the doctor, rehab or AA than be positive about that encourage it.? One way you could be very encouraging is tosuggest accompanying the drinker as they seek help.? However it is extremely difficult andfrustrating to wait for the drinker to come to a decision to change or seekhelp.? Indeed it is very tempting to tryand force the issue.? Many toddlers aredrinkers try to force the issue by leaving pamphlets or information booklets inprominent places that the drinker will find them.? Others have invited members of alcoholicsanonymous to visit the house to talk to the drinker.? The difficulty with both of these strategiesis that if the drinker is not open to discussion about the drinking than it mayactually offer an excuse for further or prolonged drinking.

Despite what some authors and commentators say,confrontation, either direct or indirect through literature, is not always wasthe right thing to do.? It works in somesituations it most definitely does not work in other situations.? What does work is to start? and live your own life.? It does not necessarily require that you moveout of the marital home, instead it may be that you carve out a life foryourself, independent of the drinker but still within the home.? This may or may not lead to the drinker changingor seeking help must and will lead to much more satisfying and fulfilling lifefor yourself.? It will also be muchbetter for any children in the relationship.