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Kids aren’t born with a set of moral guidelines built in. In fact, if you have ever spent time with a two year old you’ll start to realize that the opposite seems to be true. If there is a button to press, a glass to spill, or a temper tantrum to have, it will be done. It is our job as parents to teach our kids what is acceptable and what is not. There is a whole generation of parents out there that has forgotten, or was never taught, that children need limitations. Kids need to know what the boundaries are and what will happen if they cross them. Believe me, we aren’t doing anything good for our kids by letting them rule the roost. Too many parents today confuse lack of restriction with love. Love does have limits. While every child needs love, and this generation of parents, especially dads, have improved on physical acts of love, love without limits is perilous. Children do need some degree of freedom, but that freedom has to be age appropriate and never detract from our role as parent. Kids need to experience making choices, but these choices need to be within the freedoms they are allowed. Our job as a parent is to help our kids make the right choices. When we give our children freedoms that are age appropriate we gradually instill a sense of self-confidence that functions simultaneously with respect for authority. When your kids respect your authority, it is the beginning of reciprocal love. We too often think that the hugs and kisses we receive when we give into our five year old’s demands are acts of love on the child’s part. This type of manipulation, and little kids know all to well how to manipulate, only lead to greater acts of outbursts and eventually lack of respect for the parent’s role. As parents we all want our children to be happy, but giving into demands, even seemingly small ones, renders children to believe that they are in control. When a child acts out in temper tantrums and manipulation what he/she is asking is “can I get my own way?" The answer to the question should be “no." When manipulation is used in any form, kids need to hear a definitive “no." However, once the child has calmed down enough to listen it should also be explained why the answer was “no," and if appropriate what better way to go about the situation in the future. “No" is a good word. It protects us from harmful situations. It can be a safety net for kids looking for boundaries. We love our children, and when we set appropriate limits, along with plenty of physical and verbal affection, we show our love. Limits are internalized and help kids feel safe. Set limits early, and both you and your child will thank you in the long run. |
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