[H1246]How To Help An Alcoholic

1.)Communicate

It's an old cliche, but there really is tremendous power in open and honest communication. To really express how your spouses, friends, child's addiction is effecting you and them, you begin to plant the seeds of how much damage they're actually doing. Change may not happen immediately, but you just don't know when that seed will be ready to ripen. By the way - threatening, aggressive or abusive behavior isn't the answer either - but we'll talk about tough love later.

2.)Let the Addict Own their Stuff

What do I mean by that? Don't play protector, cover up for, or bail out the addict of the inevitable jams that person finds him/herself in. An alcoholic or drug addict has to learn to take responsibility for what they're doing. What help is it to them if you're constantly bailing them out? Only by being forced to take responsibility do they begin to feel the consequences of their actions. Consequences create change.

3.)Don't Take Anything Personally

What's the first thing we tend to do - blame ourselves. Their drinking or drugging has nothing to do with you so don't blame yourself. We're each accountable for our own stuff, responsible for our own actions. So despite what that person may say don't fall into the blame-shame game. Ultimately only the addict can help him/herself. It's not something you can do for them. Don't let guilt drag you down. You're no good to anyone if you're swimming in your own sea of misery and guilt. You need to stay strong and be a tower of strength.

4.)Forgive

Realize that being an alcoholic or drug addict isn't who that person really is. That doesn't excuse their behavior, but realize that at their core they're a good person despite what they've done. So becoming hateful and resentful doesn't do anyone any good, least of all you. Anger, Hatred and Resentment only poison your own psyche and soul, no one else's, and there's absolutely nothing positive you'll be able to do if you're coming from such a negative space. Don't forget to forgive yourself as well because you're bound to feel some kind of responsibility - even if you shouldn't. Forgiveness has the power to heal the most painful of wounds.

5.)Don't be afraid to Practice Tough Love

This ties in with allowing the addict to be responsible for their actions. Enabling their behavior by always covering up for them or bailing them out does them absolutely no good. True love is allowing them to learn their lessons no matter how painful. Tough love isn't ranting or raving - you make sure your actions speak louder than words. You begin to create serious consequences of that persons continuous drinking or drugging - e.g. they go to rehab or else you're kicking them out - will communicate how serious the situation has become and that the time for action has arrived. Performing an Intervention can be a very powerful tool to use.