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[D81]Dealing With Difficult Coworkers

by Colleen Kettenhofen, Col

Do you manage or supervise difficult employees? Ever think you're alone? You're not. Most likely your difficult employee is someone you've inherited. Not someone you would've hired. Yet somehow they fell through the cracks and got hired anyway. Now, it's your job to do the cleanup work.

Thoughts shape our words, which shape our actions. Negative people produce negative results, not to mention more negative people in the workplace. Attitude really is everything. The number one complaint I hear from managers and supervisors when conducting speaking engagements is, "My difficult employee is hard to be around, and they're making my life and everybody else's miserable!" And, you and your employees have a right to come to work and enjoy it. I tactfully told that to one of my chronically difficult employees when I was a manager and it worked.

It's easy to internalize all the negative behaviors of your difficult employees and then attempt to find ways to change them. Most people cannot be changed unless they want to change. Sometimes nothing will motivate them. Another comment often heard is, "They're just here to collect a paycheck. They are doing the absolute minimum to get by." I call these people the "work-the-system" workers.

In my workshops, we go into a specific action plan on how to turn them around, get them motivated and producing results. Most likely the previous manager or supervisor was non-confrontational. The employee "tested" them and knew what they could get away with. It's called learned behavior. And if you don't take action, it will reflect negatively on YOU. The other employees start to wonder why you're not doing something about it.

If the difficult employee is simply motivated by a paycheck, often what finally motivates them is receiving progressive disciplinary action and knowing you have specific documentation to back up their underperformance. Knowing they may be out of work can be a last-house-on-the-block approach for the difficult employee. Sometimes even that doesn't work because they're simply biding their time. Knowing they will be fired eventually, or retiring "soon."

Often managers and supervisors exclaim, "Oh, but we're union, we're different." Or, "We're government employees and it takes years to fire them." True. Research shows that it can take a great deal more time to terminate a difficult employee under these circumstances. Not to mention endless documentation. It will require thorough documentation showing everything you, and everyone else, has done in an attempt to "save" the employee.

Oh, I know what you're thinking. "But Colleen, I'm overloaded and I feel like I'm spending 80% of my time with the 20% of my difficult employees. I don't have TIME to document! I just can't afford that luxury of time!" Well, you can't afford not to document. If only I had a dollar for every manager or supervisor who has confided to me that NOT documenting came back to haunt them. Unfortunately, you must document in detail what the difficult employee is or isn't doing.

If you are union or managing government employees, and you have to throw out their records after one year, consider writing down past problem behavior in their performance review. Performance reviews aren't always thrown out. Even when supervising or managing government or union employees. Check with your Human Resources department and your manager to make sure you're up-to-date on dealing with a difficult employee effectively.

Remember, the documentation is not to build a case for termination, but to record what you attempted to do to help the difficult employee. Ask yourself, "Did I do everything I could? What, if anything, is my part in this?" If you've done all you can, the rest is up to the employee.

In my "Dealing with Difficult Employees" program I frequently hear, "I did everything I could, and ultimately the person fired themselves." I think that is often the case. Especially with the difficult employee you've "inherited" but wouldn't necessarily have hired. Sometimes the difficult employee isn't a bad person. Maybe they just weren't the right person for the job, or their job description evolved and they haven't evolved with it. Maybe the manager before you was non-confrontational and enabled the behavior. Unfortunately, you have to be the "bad guy." You must be the one who takes action. Otherwise, you now have a part in it in that you enabled the difficult employee's behavior.

Something managers and supervisors sometimes will confide in me "Colleen, after your presentation, I'm beginning to wonder if I might be a difficult person!" This is a step in the right direction. What part of YOU needs to change? Ask yourself, "How can I react differently to these difficult employees in the future?"

You can't change the difficult employee. All you can do is change how you react to them. You can change the environment and hope they become motivated. This often works when they know you're taking progressive disciplinary steps and may ultimately terminate them.

It can be easier to look at the faults of others. It makes it easier not to have to focus on ourselves. That is the hard part. Remember though...it's also the part we can control.

1. Anger precludes rationality.
Angry customers simply cannot rationalize. This is because they are so wrapped up in the emotion of anger that everything you say is filtered through their emotions. Anger is an emotion and emotions are experienced in the right side of the brain. Rationalizing, problem solving, listening, and negotiating are all left-brain activities and your angry customer is stuck in the right side of the brain, and therefore cannot be expected to rationalize with you.

2. Anger must be acknowledged.
It's not productive for you to ignore anger or tiptoe around it. There is something known as the communication chain. When people communicate, they expect the person or persons they are communicating with to respond or react?this response or reaction is a link in the communication chain. A failure to respond to communication leaves the communication chain unlinked?broken. For example, If I walk into my office and say... ?Hello Sherry, how are you?? ....and she says absolutely nothing, she's broken the communication chain. And that leaves me feeling awkward, perhaps embarrassed.

If a customer expresses anger and we fail to respond to it, the communication chain is broken and the customer feels like they are not getting through, that you are not listening. So, the customer may speak louder to make his or her point. They might become even angrier and more difficult, as they are resorting to whatever it takes to feel heard and understood. You can keep your angry customers from getting angrier by acknowledging their anger and responding to it. You can respond to anger with a statement like, ?Clearly you're upset and I want you to know that getting to the bottom of this is just as important to me as it is to you.? This statement directly and professionally addresses anger ? without- making the customer even angrier. Now that the anger has been acknowledged, you have completed the communication chain.

3. First, diffuse anger. Research has shown that an approach to problem solving that emphasizes anger diffusion first results in a lesser payout by the company. If you first work to diffuse anger and then move into problem solving, you will find that communication is much easier/because your customer is able to really listen to you. Problem resolution is now possible because your customer is calm and in the position to rationalize. Beginning the problem solving process before addressing and diffusing anger makes your job much harder because your customer is emotional and not able to fully rationalize. If you do attempt to solve the problem or negotiate, you will almost always have to offer more to satisfy the customer than you would if you had successfully first diffused anger.

Now that you know that anger precludes rationality and that anger has to be responded to, make sure you don't ignore the customer's expression of anger and that you always work to diffuse anger and create calm before beginning the problem resolution process. When you do this, you'll quickly find yourself responding to anger with much more ease and confidence.

4. The issue is not the issue.
In conflict situations, the issue at hand is not usually the ?real? issue. The way the issue is handled becomes the real issue. What really matters to customers is not the $2 overcharge or the fact their order for cranberry red paint is actually holly berry red. What does matter is how the company responds and resolves the issue. That becomes the real issue.

5. Ventilation is crucial.
An Angry customer can be compared to an erupting volcano. When a volcano is erupting, there is nothing you can do about it. You can't speed up the eruption, you can't put a lid on it, and you cannot direct or redirect it'it must erupt. When a customer is angry, they must experience and express their anger?through venting. We should not interrupt them or tell them to ?calm down.? This would be as futile as trying to tame a volcano. A volcano erupts and eventually subsides. Your angry customer will vent and eventually calm down.

6. An apology works.
An apology makes the angry customer feel heard and understood. It diffuses and anger and allows you to begin to re-establish trust. Not only that, but pilot studies have found that the mere act of apologizing has reduced lawsuits, settlement, and defense costs. You need to apologize to customers regardless of fault. Certainly, the apology needs to be carefully worded. Here's an example of a sincere, yet careful apology:

?Please accept my sincere and unreserved apology for any inconvenience this may have caused you.?

7. You cannot win an argument with a customer.
Certainly, you can prove your point and even have the last word. You may be right, but as far as changing your customer's mind is concerned, you will probably be just as futile as if YOU were wrong. Your goal in complaint situations is to retain the customer, not to be right. If you win the argument, you may very well have lost the customer. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.

When you're dealing with angry customers, make sure you acknowledge their anger, allow the customer to vent, and carefully handle the issue with diplomacy and tact. When you do, you'll find that diffusing anger is much easier and you'll significantly reduce your stress level.

When you're dealing with angry customers, make sure you acknowledge their anger, allow the customer to vent, and carefully handle the issue with diplomacy and tact. When you do, you'll find that diffusing anger is much easier and you'll significantly reduce your stress level.

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Both Colleen Kettenhofen & Myra Golden are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.

Colleen Kettenhofen has sinced written about articles on various topics from Fitness, Difficult people and Leadership. Colleen Kettenhofen is a speaker, workplace expert, & co-author of "The Masters of Success," as featured on the Today Show, along with Ken Blanchard and Jack Canfield. For free articles, e-newsletter, or to order the book visit. Colleen Kettenhofen's top article generates over 90500 views. Bookmark Colleen Kettenhofen to your Favourites.

Myra Golden has sinced written about articles on various topics from Family, Free Credit Report Score and Gardening. Myra Golden is an award-winning professional speaker and principal of Myra Golden Seminars, LLC, a customer service training firm serving clients in food. Myra Golden's top article generates over 1600 views. Bookmark Myra Golden to your Favourites.