Before I go any further, let me give you my definition of assertiveness. Assertiveness means I believe I have the right to state my thoughts, feelings and opinions as long as I don't hurt anyone else in the process. Being aggressive is the same thing but not caring about anyone else's feelings. Being passive means I don't believe I can state my thoughts, feelings and opinions.

Now remember, I came along at a time when there were very few women in business-1959 to be exact. Luckily I had been brought up by a mother who told me to always stand up for myself, speak articulately, make good points, look people directly in the eye and also be courteous, kind and well meaning.

Since I had never heard the word "assertive" I didn't know there were any problems. As the world and business progressed, along with the rise of women in the workplace, I heard a lot of things including remarks that made women seem angry, intolerant and mean. In reality they were tough, strong, well-intentioned and very confident.

The inability to choose your own behavior is a major handicap. Clear, honest, direct, tactful, feeling communication-saying what you mean and asking for what you want-is the only way to succeed. But assertiveness is not a license for selfishness.

It's based on everyone's right to be treated with respect, set their own life priorities, make their own choices, get what they pay for and say how they feel. Note I say everyone. You have the right to your own feelings, beliefs, ideas and deeds. So does everyone else!

You have the right to speak your mind; they have the right to disagree. You have the right to ask for what you want; they have to right to say no.

Spunky Old Broad's understand this.

When people see you are self-assured, confident and determined, they will leave you alone. Speaking up for yourself never hurt anyone and very often leads to your next success.