Blame it on La Lanne      When something goes wrong      That sweatsuited scapegoat      For the exercising bomb            Put the blame on Jack La Lanne      He's our man            My lawn turned yellow      My goldfish died      I squirted some Ben-Gay      Right in my eye            He's the fucking cause      That sweatsuited scapegoat      With the atomic sock      When he exercises me      I know he doesn't shower      When I see him beatin' meat      He makes me want to shower.