I don't have the magnetism of a national hero   I'm not desperate enough to   Carry 'round a bomb in a bag   And I hate to clean up behind my dog   He's a pretty big guy and he eats like a hog   I never quite get that haircut they have in the window   I better give myself a talking to   I better work out what I'm going to do   Maybe get myself a wife   Better get myself a life   Instead of these post nuclear talking blues   When I go to the store   The express line gets derailed   I know that none of my batteries were included   I fall down every time I drink   I wash and all my whites turn pink   And I always come home with someone else's pants   I better give myself a talking to   I better work out what I'm going to do   Maybe get myself a wife   Better get myself a life   Instead of these post nuclear talking blues   The rain won't worry a drowning man   Until his feet are on dry land   He won't even care if his best shoes are full of sand   Whenever my flight touches down   My bags are in a different town   And the customs men like to get intimate with me   I better give myself a talking to   I better work out what I'm going to do   Maybe get myself a wife   Better get myself a life   Instead of these post nuclear talking blues   And that's all