This ninny of a puppet was available   The second that he called   And all he had to do was yell, "Hey, Mabel"   And this dumb hash slinger crawled      For seven lousy years, I've watched him swear   And shove and shout   "With you or without you"   Well, it's gonna be without      I gotta give my life some sparkle and fizz   And think a thought that isn't wrapped up in his   The place that I consider paradise is   Wherever he ain't, wherever he ain't      No more to wither when he's grouchy and gruff   No more to listen to him, bellow and bluff   Tomorrow morning I'll be struttin' my stuff   Wherever he ain't, wherever he ain't      Enough of being bullied and bossed   Ta-ta, Auf Wiedersehn and get lost      I walk behind him like a meek little lamb   And had my fill of his not giving a damn   I'll go to Sydney or Ceylon or Siam   Wherever he ain't and wherever he ain't      It's time for little Nell to rebel   If he's at Heaven, I'll go to Hell      My little love nest was a terrible trap   With me behaving like a simpering sap   And so I'm looking for a spot on the map   If he's going south, I'm going north   If he's going back, I'm going forth   Wherever he ain't