But after a while I caught on   I mean, I saw what they were hiring   I also swiped my dance card once   After an audition      And on a scale of one to ten   They gave me   For dance, ten, for looks, three   Why?      Dance, ten, looks, three   And I'm still on unemployment   Dancing for my own enjoyment   That ain't it, kid, That ain't it, kid      Dance, ten, looks, three   Is like to die   Left the theater   And called the doctor   For my appointment to buy      Tits and ass   Bought myself a fancy pair   Tightened up the derriere   Did the nose with it   All that goes with it      Tits and ass   Had the bingo-bongos done   Suddenly I'm getting national tours   Tits and ass won't get you jobs   Unless they're yours      Didn't cost a fortune neither   Didn't hurt my sex life either      Flat and sassy   I would get the strays and losers   Beggars really can't be choosers   That ain't it, kid, that ain't it, kid      Fix the chassis,"How do you do"   Life turned into an endless medley   Of, "Gee, it had to be you"   Why?      Tits and ass   Where the cupboard once was bare   Now you knock and someone's there   You have got 'em, hey, top to bottom, hey      It's a gas   Just a dash of silicone   Shake your new maracas and your fine   Tits and ass can change your life   They sure changed mine      You're all looking at my tits now, aren't you?   They aren't that big   I heard that, you bitch, I didn't want 'em like yours   I wanted them in proportion      Well, you got what you paid for   I wouldn't mind having just one of yours   Well go out and buy 'em      Have it all done   Honey, take my word   Grab a cab, c'mon   See the wizard on   Park and 73 for      Tits and ass   Orchestra and balcony   What they want is what cha see   Keep the best of you   Do all the rest of you      Pits or class   I have never seen it fail   Debutante or chorus girl or wife      Tits and ass   Yes, tits and ass   Have changed my life