Lemme tell you a little story   About a man named Johnny Tarr   He was a hard drinking son of a preacher   Always at the bar      Lager from the tap   Or shots of Paddy from the shelf   He could open his throttle   And throw back a bottle   As quick as the Devil himself, Johnny Tarr      And the word got around   That Johnny Tarr was no pretender   From Claire to here they'd lock up the beer   When Johnny went on a bender      Down at Dickey Mack's   The Rising Sun, or at the Swan   He was drinking at seven, by ten to eleven   Well, all the booze would be gone, Johnny Tarr      And even if you saw it yourself, you wouldn't believe it   But I wouldn't trust a person like me, if I were you   Sure I wasn't there, I swear I have an alibi   I heard it from a man who knows a fella who says it's true      It was nine in the morning   On a cold and rainy night   Johnny rolled into the Castle Bar   Looking to get tight      He had money in his pocket   He had whiskey in his eye   He said, "Get up off your asses   And set up the glasses   I'm drinking this place dry"      Now all the serious boozers   They were soon broken hearted   When Johnny finished off six   And he was only getting started      Guzzling down the pints   Knockin' em back like candy   He was lookin' alright to be drinkin' all night   Then Nora brought out the brandy, Johnny Tarr      And even if you saw it yourself, you wouldn't believe it   But I wouldn't trust a person like me, if I were you   Sure I wasn't there, I swear I have an alibi   I heard it from a man who knows a fella who says it's true      Johnny drank the whole damn bottle   Had another pint or two   When it made no impression   He started a session with Murphy's Millennium Brew      He was waiting for his pint   When his face turned green   Jesus, Johnny fell down   After only fifteen      And you could've heard a pin drop   Then the crowd let out a roar   It took five Cork women   To lift Johnny off the floor      The doctor looked him over   And said, "Better call the hearse   But it's not what you're thinkin'   It wasn't the drinkin' this man died of thirst" Johnny Tarr      And even if you saw it yourself, you wouldn't believe it   But I wouldn't trust a person like me, if I were you   Sure I wasn't there, I swear I have an alibi   I heard it from a man who knows a fella who says it's true      And even if you saw it yourself, you wouldn't believe it   But I wouldn't trust a person like me, if I were you   Sure I wasn't there, I swear I have an alibi   I heard it from a man who knows a fella who says it's true