Thank you for the flowers    I threw them on the fire    And I burned the photographs that you had enclosed    God they were ugly children    So you're the little bastard of that brother of mine    Trying to trick a poor old woman    'Til I almost had a weakness    Last week Cousin Florence    Bit your Uncle Joe    Hit him on the forehead with a knife and a fork    She said that he looked like the devil    Then she said... "pass the vinegar," I'm beginning to think    That I'm the only one who hasn't taken to the drinking of it    Though I almost had a weakness       It pains me to mention    These delicate concerns    While I have to tolerate you family jewels    I really mustn't grumble    'Cause when I die the cats and dogs will jump up and down    And you little swines will get nothing    Though I almost had a weakness