Now, Sheriff Fatman started out   In business, a granny farmer   He was infamous for fifteen minutes   And he appeared on Panorama      But then he somehow got himself on board   The Starship Enterprise Allowance Scheme   With a Prince of Wales award   For pushing Valium and amphetamines      Moving up onto second base   Behind Nicholas Van Wotsisface   Six foot six and a hundred tons   The undisputed king of the slum      More aliases than Klaus Barbie   The master butcher of Leigh-on-Sea   Just about to take the stage   The one and only, hold the front page      Fatman's got something to sell   To the capitol's homeless   At the Crossroads Hotel   For the no-fixed-abodeless      Where you can live life in style   You can sleep in a closet   And if you flash him a smile   He'll take your teeth as deposit      There's bats in the belfry   The windows are jammed   The toilets ain't healthy   And he don't give a damn      He just chuckles and smiles   Laughs like a madman   Born again Rachman   Here comes Sheriff Fatman      With his Valium, amphetamines   His sick notes and his phony prescriptions   And just when you thought it was safe   To go back into kitchen      Dead legs and cracked heads   Bunk-beds and breakfasts   Hey, hey, hey, cherish one      Moving up onto second base   Behind Nicholas Van Wotsisface   Six foot six and a hundred tons   The undisputed king of slums      More aliases than Klaus Barbie   The master butcher of Leigh-on-Sea   Just about to take the stage   The one and only, hold the front page      Moving up now to take the place   Of Nicholas Van Wotsisface   Six foot six and a hundred tons   The undisputed king of the slums      With more aliases than Klaus Barbie   The master butcher of Leigh-on-Sea   In a hatchback from Notre Dame   The one and only Sheriff Fatman      In goes another left hook and now I'm losing my patience   Someone call up Roger Cook and the United Nations   He's buying up houses for the has beens and helping   From Lands End to South end to Chelsea      There's bats in the belfry   The windows are jammed   The toilets ain't healthy   He don't give a damn      He just chuckles and smiles   Laughs like a madman   Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Sheriff Fatman   Sheriff Fatman, Sheriff Fatman, Sheriff Fatman, brainchumps