Chorus      Cheap bourbon whiskey and pearl snaps are the two things   That stay the same so when the world starts spinnin’ and   Your head hurts there’s cheap bourbon whiskey and pearl snap shirts      The shade tree mechanic is a dinosaur   You can't cuss you can't smoke or spit on the floor   Don't hit on a woman 'cause she might sue   You can't buy beer in this state past two      Chorus      Buddha is legal but Jesus ain't   The saints are all sinners and the sinners are saints   It's not how you play it's the final score   They don't show M*A*S*H on the tube any more      Chorus      Lovers usually leave at the drop of a ring   And daddy doesn't smile when a mockingbird sings   The kids are in school but they're all packin' guns   The losers live forever and the good die young      Chorus      Well the stars are all fallin' out of the sky   The doors are all locked and the bottle is dry   So pass me a chew and I'll sing you a song   If there's a problem with that we can get it on      Chorus