Sugar-coated girlfriends don't mean anything to me   This song's about a girl who's soft and warm and cheap   when I held her close to me she melted right away   Velveeta was her name   Velveeta, Velveeta, Velveeta...   All my friends keep telling me   "Frank, you must be sick.   How can you have fun with a gooey processed chick?"   But she's much more than that   she's got a heart of gold   and she does what she's told   Velveeta, Velveeta, Velveeta...   I want to tell her that I'll never go away   but she keeps showing me her expiration date   Girls may come, girls may go, but I know one thing for sure   they stock Velveeta at the local grocery store   and she'll be on the shelf until the end of time   when we have to say goodbye   Velveeta, Velveeta, Velveeta...