[Gaston:] Who does she think she is? That girl has tangled with   the wrong man! No one says "no" to Gaston!   [LeFou:] Heh heh. Darn right.   [Gaston:] Dismissed! Rejected! Publicly Humiliated! Why, it's   more than I can bear.   [LeFou:] More beer?   [Gaston:] What for? Nothing helps. I'm disgraced.   [LeFou:] Who, you? Never! Gaston, you've got to pull yourself   together.      Gosh it disturbs me to see you, Gaston   Looking so down in the dumps   Every guy here'd love to be you, Gaston   Even when taking your lumps   There's no man in town as admired as you   You're ev'ryone's favorite guy   Ev'ryone's awed and inspired by you   And it's not very hard to see why      No one's slick as Gaston   No one's quick as Gaston   No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Gaston   For there's no man in town half as manly   Perfect, a pure paragon   You can ask any Tom, Dick or Stanley   And they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on      [Chorus:] No one's been like Gaston   A king pin like Gaston   [LeFou:] No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like Gaston   [Gaston:] As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating   [Chorus:] My what a guy, that Gaston      Give five "hurrahs!"   Give twelve "hip-hips!"   [LeFou:] Gaston is the best   And the rest is all drips      [Chorus:] No one fights like Gaston   Douses lights like Gaston   [Cronie:] In a wrestling match nobody bites like Gaston   [Bimbettes:] For there's no one as burly and brawny   [Gaston:] As you see I've got biceps to spare   [LeFou:] Not a bit of him's scraggly or scrawny   [Gaston] (That's right!)   And ev'ry last inch of me's covered with hair      [Cronies:] No one hits like Gaston   [Townsman:] Matches wits like Gaston   [LeFou:] In a spitting match nobody spits like Gaston   [Gaston:] I'm espcially good at expectorating   (Ptooey!)   [Chorus:] Ten points for Gaston!      [Gaston:] When I was a lad I ate four dozen eggs   Ev'ry morning to help me get large   And now that I'm grown I eat five dozen eggs   So I'm roughly the size of a barge      [Chorus:] No one shoots like Gaston   Makes those beauts like Gaston   [LeFou:] Then goes tromping around wearing boots like Gaston   [Gaston:] I use antlers in all of my decorating   [Chorus:] Say it again   Who's a man among men?   And then say it once more   Who's the hero next door?   Who's a super success?   Don't you know? Can't you guess?   Ask his fans and his five hangers-on   There's just one guy in town who's got all of it down   [LeFou:] And his name's G-A-S- T -   G-A-S-T - E -   G-A-S-T-O - oh!   [Chorus:] Gaston