I don't want another fruitcake   I don't need another ugly tie, no   Heard they had a sale on go-karts   Down at Walmart, ho ho, a good buy   Got no money in my pocket   Can't believe it's Christmastime      It's the crowds that bug me   Stuck in traffic like this   It's kids causing a commotion   It's shop-at-your-own-risk   It's that Tickle Me Elmo   It's dang unfindable   Christmas, Christmas, unshoppable   Christmas, Christmas      They can make a fellow uptight   I must have been to fifteen stores or more   All I wanted was a LiteBrite   But they sold out last night, of course   Tried to buy my kids a swing set   I'll be broke forever more      'Tis the season of giving   'Tis that time of year   'Twas the night before Christmas   'Twas a pain in the rear   It's that credit card payment   It's (uhh) unpayable   Christmas, Christmas, returnable   Christmas, Christmas      You'll see Santa hop the rooftops   Rudolph's nose will be glowing so bright   There's a whole lot of parents losing sleep   Nothing's silent about this night, oh   Christmas is pure promotion   Let us not forget why   We're all out shopping   We're all out buying      It's the off-key caroling   Grandma's mistletoe kiss   It's that one string of lightbulbs   You can't ever get lit   It's that gallon of eggnog   It's (ugh) undrinkable   Christmas, Christmas, decorateable   Christmas, Christmas      It's the things you buy me, baby   It's the things I buy you, darling   It's the crowds that bug me   Stuck in traffic like this   It's kids causing a commotion   It's shop-at-your-own-risk   It's that Faith Hill CD   They're all sold-outable   Christmas, Christmas, beautiful   Christmas, Christmas      It's the things you buy me, baby   It's the things I buy you, darling!