For hearing all my doubts so selectively and   For continuing my numbing love endlessly    For helping you and myself: not even considering   For beating myself up and overfunctioning      To whom do I owe the biggest apology ?   No one’s been crueler than I’ve been to me      For letting you decide if I indeed was desirable   For myself love being so embarassingly conditional   And for denying myself to somehow make us compatible   and for trying to fit a rectangle into a hole      And   To whom do I owe the biggest apology ?   No one’s been crueler than I’ve been to me      I'm sorry to myself   My apologies begin here before everybody else   I'm sorry to myself   For treating me worse than I would anybody else      For blaming myself for your unhappiness   and for my impatience when I was perfect where I was   Ignoring all the signs that I was not ready   and expecting myself to be where you wanted me to be      To whom do I owe the first apology ?   No one’s been crueler than I’ve been to me      And   I’m sorry to myself   My apologies begin here before everybody else   I’m sorry to myself   For treating me worse than I would anybody else      Well, I wonder which crime is the biggest ?   Forgetting you or forgetting myself...   Had I heeded the wisdom of the latter   I would’ve naturally loved the former      For ignoring you: my highest voices   For smiling when my strife was all too obvious   For being so disassociated from my body   and for not letting go when it would’ve been the kindest thing      To whom do I owe the biggest apology ?   No one’s been crueler than I’ve been to me      And   I’m sorry to myself   My apologies begin here before everybody else   I’m sorry to myself   For treating me worse than I would anybody else   I’m sorry to myself   My apologies begin here before everybody else   I’m sorry to myself   For treating me worse than I would anybody else